Sunday, October 10, 2010


Nope, i’m not going to deliver a lecture on this subject. That was done already by too many distinguished members of the patriarchal clan. Take for instance Freud, Krafft-Ebing, Adler, and Hirschfeld. These dedicated and decorated men wrote volumes on what they called sexual perversions and anomalies. When cruising the highways of MentalScienceLand, one easily can find even more litanies on what’s normal and abnormal. Just peep into the different versions of the DSM, and u will encounter classification after classification of what is sick, more sick, less sick, and healthy, all neatly labeled for the practicing shrink, with exact, and…um… less exact, descriptions, of the minimum required time a phenomenon has to manifest itself, for it to have successfully graduated to mental illness, so he or she (yes, there also r female shrinks.) can easily diagnose u as freak, ready to enlist for some intense psychotherapy, a shitload of neuroleptics, or immediate transportation to a cozy asylum for nuts and other deviants from the holy norm.

By Lilith, did u observe the length of that last sentence? Beautifully crafted too no? Wonder if someone will po(o)p up here again, to urge me to take some English classes.

DSM? What u say? U don’t know what that’s all about? Gtfooh! Really? But that’s terrible bro! How can u consider urself to be of healthy mental health then? Oh ur not? U know already u r a nutcase? U praise urself to be insane? Good for u! Salute! May the kinky force be with u.

Now come, sit close to me, and i’ll enlighten u a bit. But be careful not to touch my whip. She’s such a bitch eh, and abhors sweaty hands from a rookie. What? U r not a rookie. U r a seasoned bdsm-er? U r one who adores the sting of a single tail, and can’t get enough of it? Well in that case, try her. But don’t blame me afterwards, and spare me ur complaints as well, cos it will only triple ur agony, as i always side with her!

Feel comfortable now? Ok, here goes. DSM is like the Bible. Or the Qur’an if u will. All three of them r in the business of telling u what’s right and wrong. To keep u in line, and to make u feel guilty when questioning their dogmas, rules, and protocols, they also supply u with an avalanche of threats and warnings of all the dreadful and horrible things that will happen to u, should u dare to stray, or even would consider to stray, from the law of laws. Of cors, within the realm of psychotherapy, nobody is threatening u, and nobody in their right mind will punish u. Instead they’ll deal with u via so called treatments. Which is the same (grin).

Noooooo, u’ve only heard of the Bible, and never read anything from it? This holy book is not even sitting somewhere on some lost bookshelf in ur home, and u only caught a glimpse of it when u were secretly screwing ur strict and cruel Mistress in a pre-paid luxury hotel? Caramba, no wonder there r so many floods, blazing wildfires, and caustic red sludge, these days! Btw, were u not violating at that time, one of the Ten Commandments? U were eh? More flooding for u Sir!

Anyway, DSM stands for, and pay attention now, “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders”, published by the APA.

Huh? U don’t know that one either? Mama mia! What DO u know? Well it’s the American Psychiatric Association, dummy.

The next revised version of the DSM will see the light of day somewhere in 2013. Till then u’ll have to depend on that crappy old DSM-IV, dating back from 1994. Of cors, these days everybody is relying more and more on the DSM-IV-TR.

Google the last one if u must, as i’m done explaining. Geeezz!

According to that sacred booklet, and i quote, “fetishism is the use of nonliving objects as a stimulus to achieve sexual arousal or satisfaction. (This only applies if the objects are not specifically designed for sexual stimulation (e.g., a vibrator).)”.

So there u have it. There u go. No way that u r a fetishist when using a pig or a cockroach. Well, unless they’re dead of cors, or were specifically designed for ur sexual stimulation eh?

There was a time when it was really terrible to have a fetish. If u had one, u were considered totally abnormal, if not a retarded freak. Mostly cos the blessed normal ones were afraid or jealous of u. Either way, u had to be punished, ….er…..treated, for ur aberration, so that, after u were cured from ur horrible illness, u too could (re)-join and enjoy the privileged ranks of the sexually bored and frustrated ones, making everybody happy again.

Although many believe we’re better off now, the paradigm of sick/healthy, normal/abnormal, is still very alive, keeping large groups of morons in its iron grip, making people feel bad about themselves, and driving them insane, should they feel sexual aroused for instance, when licking a boot, wearing a leather dress, or sniffing a soiled panty from a she-male.

But there’s also this: In the jet set world, the self proclaimed avant garde, and in all kinds of vanilla subcultures, it's almost a sin, NOT to have a fetish nowadays. Of cors, these people r not referring to Freud's view on the matter, or the DSM-IV one. It’s more a matter of distinguishing oneself from the main crowd, to feel special, while one actually is not, and a yearning to belong to, and accepted by, some silly new bourgeois group, that wants to be seen as kinky or something. It's conformity all over again, larded with pseudo tolerance, to make sure one's own version is accepted as well. "Whoohoooo, look at me, i have a fetish. And don't tell me it's not, because i have a right to my opinion, and when i say it's a fetish, it is one, dammit!".

So what we have now, is at one side, the ones who believe having a fetish is sick and abnormal, and at the other side, a bunch of morons who think they’re special for having one, while they have none, and r only pretending, lol.

Btw, except for statistical distributions etc, poor me never could understand the value of dichotomies like normal/abnormal, nor of its brothers like inferior/superior, male/female, black/white, sick/healthy, and in this case, fetish/ non-fetish.

Now what about people like me eh? Where do we fit in? We don’t give a damn. We don’t care about concepts like that. We only laugh at people who need to dichotomize, or r ruled by labels. We have no issues when not fitting in within any group of people. We r the disconnected and independent ones, enjoying the company of other independent and disconnected ones. People like me, make shrinks obsolete, and ready for an asylum themselves, lol. Some shrinks make good slaves tho, as they mostly discovered they were destined for slavery at a very early stage in their life, but found it very difficult to display this publicly, and thus chose to become a shrink instead. Freud called this sublimation. Similar to the latent serial killer, who became a butcher.

When growing up, i gave my attraction to, and yearning for wearing leather, velvet, and rubber clothing some deep thought. I spend a lot of time discussing the matter with others, and read what was written about it by the 'experts', whether they were members of the academic establishment or the velvet underground. To find the “why” eh? In my culture, the “why” was very important. Yes, very! Most of it i found boring. I discovered, i didn't need an explanation for that particular behavior of mine. Why would i? I never found some major concerns about my craving for sunshine, chocolate, or riding my horse. Is loving leather and rubber so much different? What u say? Riding a horse is not sexual? Guess u never rode one then, or ur libido was already dried up, b4 it could come alive.

So, why should i care about ‘the why', when it comes to belts, heels, rubber mackintoshes, whips, hoods, iron collars, leather lingerie, etc? Why waste time on that?

U see? Now i’m asking about the “why” of the “why”, lolol. Grrrrr, must be an addiction too, i guess.

With pleasure, i left all that for the shrinks to answer, and others who believe i need to be cured or something. I know, many still have the urge and need, to find out, why they r so addicted to these fabulous materials, these irresistible objects, why they r so obsessed with wearing them, or can't get their eyes off of them, when accidentally meeting that incredibly sensuous leather clad woman in the street, in the mall, in a plane. But not me. I just enjoy the feeling, the sensation, and the rush i get, when dressed like that, or watching others like me. I don't care what triggered it, is keeping it alive, or if, and how, it could end one day.

What i know is this: A belt of let's say 1" wide, does nothing for me. Oh sure, it can be elegant, lovely, and chic, but it has no sexual component. The same counts for heels. Except for rubber riding boots, heels lower than 4" r just casual wear, and not really exciting. But dancing for instance the night away in 6", is almost equal to a prolonged orgasm.

What i know is this: Dressing like that, not only makes me feel good by itself, but i also like to provoke people with my outfits, to play with their feelings, enjoying their reactions, when i’m entering a public area in them. Very casual of cors , yet a bit arrogant. Many people don't know how to handle the situation then. They want to look, and at the same time feel embarrassed to do so. Still they won’t be able to resist that little voice inside them, whispering: “Look at her, look, loooooook…….! What combination is that? A leather evening gown and rubber riding boots? How dares she? Loooooook!” Vanilla clowns. Completely out of balance. Especially when i seek their eyes in return with disdain. Hilarious!! Um......... u want to do this too? Well, if ur going to do this urself, here’s a great add on. , B4 entering the place, step into some fresh chewing gum. Then look for a macho man, preferably where there’s an audience of substance, and while lifting ur riding boot, and pointing toward it with ur leather gloved finger in an ultra dominant manner, ask him, in ur sweetest voice, if he would be so kind to remove that sticky stuff off ur boot sole. U will be surprised with what will happen next. Or maybe not? But don’t do this, if u r not a born domina :)

What i know is this: To walk on the beach, a wide belt accentuating my silhouette, is quite different than just wearing a sexy bikini. Riding a horse in formal riding gear turns me off, while sitting on that powerful back, wearing a tight belted rubberized riding mac, dusty rubber boots, with the wind freely playing with my hair when speeding along the border of the woods, will arouse me. Visiting an opera house, wearing an exquisite evening dress is lovely, but going there dressed in an extremely tight fitting leather outfit, makes it a thrilling event.

What I know is this: U still want to know about ‘the why’. Alas, i don’t know, and again, i don’t care. There’s another ‘why’ tho, i do know about. It’s ‘the why’ which explains why it feels so great to wear extremely wide belts, to strut in skyscraper heels, to sleep under leather sheets, to drive cars at extremely high speeds, to descend into a volcano, to go deep sea diving, to explore under water caves, to swim with the sharks, to sail Magellan, to sexually enslave other human beings, to own them completely, to force people into behavior they would never consider possible, to unite with them, to become one Gestalt, and disappear together in the abyss of lust. It’s the escape from the ordinary, and seeking the extraordinary. It’s the desire to provoke, instead of giving in to the norm. It’s the glory of being an individual, and not a clone of society. It’s the paradox of setting me free by restricting myself at will. It’s the desire to destroy the artificial limits of my partners, while keeping a keen eye on their real ones. . It’s the challenge of giving in to myself, and to dominate MyEgo simultaneously.

So, what do u make out of all of this? How should it be labeled? Fetishism? Bipolar disorder? Sadism? Fanaticism? Narcissism? Femdom? Mental illness? Megalomania? Something else? U make ur pick. I’ll happily agree with whatever makes u happy, grumpy, angry, or feeling lost. But i would applaud if u would stop putting urself into a straightjacket, and defending ur stay in vanilla bondage, by coming up with all kinds of ridiculous philosophies, theories, and explanations about ur sex drive, and seeking other people’s support for that. Instead, go and act on ur raw libido. Well….um…..if u still can remember that one.

It may sound strange to some, but the wider and tighter the belt, the more freely i breathe.


  1. This is, This is truly funny I dont respond for a few weeks and I get bashed like a joke. You are truly what we call a Bi no wait thats something I think a person like you loves to hear. This makes even funnier your trying to label me some lameass internet title and then spout out for or five diffrent jobs you think I work at. This has truly hit rock bottom in internet anger. Why do you start even spouting about the government by calling me a right wing that just proves that your a person with a lot of anger in her life and cant even ending a conversation without about the govenment or a person that has fought back in her life but then still has a lot of anger and then blames the goverment for it.

    You Mam have my sympathy I cant imagine what you life must be like with that anger.
    Ohh and if you want to spout off about the governmet call Mark lavine. He will listen to you.

  2. That's really bad English there Sir. Really, really bad English! Next time compose urself a bit b4 handing over ur complaints and compliments, and channel ur anger more appropriately, using a proper English spelling and grammar guide.

    Oh nooooo. Mark Lavine? Mark Lavine from Mark Lavine Ministries? U can't be serious, lol. Hmmm, maybe u meant that cricketer? But i can't call that one eh (sob sob), as he's dead.

    ***[Ayesha wondering where the damned government came in, and what the heck all this has to do with fetishism.]***

  3. Interesting yeah..guess we aint so
    My fetish is my riding my many i got it i cant stay off it..i dont abide by any rule books though out of bed with females i am very submissive n need to please them..tight leather n denim is my turn on long hair..yeah i'm a

  4. Seems we have a lot in common Marie: Leather, boots, d/s, long hair, making scumbags miserable, and probably a few other things as well (grin).

    Oh, about tight fitting garments? I also love outfits that don't fit like a glove, lol, like for instance supple leather capes, and loose-fitting leather/rubber evening gowns. Of cors sometimes i need to add a wide belt to them, hehehe. Guess i must be a fetishist too.

    U know what we should do? Travel the Pan-American Highway by motorbike. I mean the 2 of us together. Of cors the southern section of it, starting in Colombia

  5. I have to agree with you about the sexuality of horse riding! A confident woman riding her horse is power manifest!

    Though, I hope (and almost believe) that your horse does not gallop along the border of the woods under compulsion of the riding whip but by it's own free will.

    A horse running by it's own instinct is magic!

  6. Using a whip on a horse, or any other animal for that matter, i consider a crime!

  7. Wow! Does it mean that you don't carry any whip at all or you carry it but use it only in the extreme conditions.

    You must be one hell of a rider and must be having a helluva horse and a helluva trainer too.

  8. No whip, no trainer. Just a helluva rider on a helluva horse :)

  9. Wow again! I used to work at the local stable cum ridin school as a summer job and I know that even the most skilled riders usually carry a whip for "just in case" scenarios.

    Especially the ladies always carried a whip as "they were physically weaker and thus needed extra force to control the 'beast'!" Though how you can be weak when you are controlling a long and sharp metal piece wedged in the mouth of your "beast" was beyond me. Though I am not a rider and can't claim to know it all.

    Of your ilk I met only one rider in the three summers I worked there. She showed me what magic a horse galloping on his own can be!

    One can know a lot about people by observing how they are with their horse. Men usually follow one or two set patterns. The ladies, well, there are just infinite ways in how a woman and her horse interact.

  10. Using force to get animals (or people) in line, or to make them perform according to one's wishes, is a typical patriarchal/vanilla modus operandi, mostly based on fear for the one(s) to be dominated. Despicable behavior like that, doesn't belong to my repertoire, and certainly not when communicating with a fine animal like a horse. I DO make use of it tho, and with true sardonic pleasure even, when in the mood to destroy a scumbag, or another specimen of the Lowlife -Clan.

  11. Yes, I agree with the tone and tenor of your post. Men usually act cruelly with horses due to insecurity or due to the fact that they don't understand how much hurt they are causing(cerebrally challenged ones). Though in the later case most of them get the point when they are at the wrong end of the crop! :)

    However, this is not a male predominant activity. IMHO, ladies are more severe towards horses and for n number of reasons.

    The worst are them are those ladies who have joined the riding class as it's a fashionable thing to do. They join so as to be able to wear jodhpurs, shiny boots and oh yes the riding crop!( "You know it's so cool to carry a whip, gives you a totally new image!"). And if you carry an accessory, you must be seen using it, so give a couple of cuts to the poor horse! And if there is a guy watchin you; give a whole lot more. No matter if the horse was totally obedient, "we are paying money for this, aren't we? So STFU! A horse is just like a car. We have the reins as the brake and whip as the accelerator,isn't it so?"

    That is why, I asked you about whether you use the whip or not. Most of the women who share your passions (not all passions mostly about clothing) and ride horses usually tend to follow this pattern.

    That is why, you were such a sweet surprise! Don't ever change! :)

    P.S. Apologies if I'm diverting this discussion towards all things equine! And also for doubting that you may be using a whip while riding!

  12. "Patriarchal/vanilla", is not excluding females, as most of my gender adores and imitates the male of the species. Think for instance "emancipation", lol.

    Yes i know of that phenomenon. It's called "hard riding", and i know enough dames who (want) to practice same, to know how pitiful these "equestriennes" actually r. I would love to see a horse trample them to pulp.

  13. Sad to hear that the little pattern I'd observed in my summer job so prevalent. And sadly,if my experience is anything to go by, the horse never,never tramples any of them, instead he becomes a frightened, sad and shy creature.. Such a tragedy!

    Here is a request from me, please let one of your upcoming post be about horses and riding. If even one of those women change after reading you,it'll be worth it!

  14. They won't change! They need something to get rid of their low self-esteem, and to feel "powerful". So, among other things, they use a horse to achieve same. To make things worse, they're applauded for that by males, who believe these women r radiating dominance by abusing animals.

  15. Well, then, to hell with them!

    Though my request to you still stands. Those of us who love horses will be delighted to read someone like you writing about them!

    Also, one more request, next time you meet a man who applauds such women; make sure he feels your whip on his back,cutting skin. I'll applaud! :)

  16. Now why wouldn't u do that urself eh? Just follow the trail of a tourist Marwari safari in Rajasthan for example, and i'm sure u'll find creeps from both gender, to crack ur whip on :)

  17. Alas, that is what differentiates us! You live the dream while people like me dream about living the dream! The way you live and command your life very few can!

    A couple of times I've felt like stripping the hide from a man for treating his horse badly. I could not muster enough courage; yep ; that is the naked truth right there! I satisfied myself by getting that fellow expelled, that is all I could do. I wonder what you would have done in my place?

    Have you been to India? The marwari horse is one of the most handsome ones out there. Their endurance is said to be second only to the arabian. Have you ridden one?

  18. Psychology is just a tool to use as a theory for discussion and diagnosis. It´s non axiomatic science and should only be seen as educated guesses, derived from empirical models and yet more educated guesses.

    But to infer from that mass of constructs to tell something about the immense complexities in one persons psyche and life, is bonund to be filled with errors or misconceptions and of course the plauges of self interest,that are rampant in all human institutions.

    However it´s can very well be a baseline to depart from to begin to explain or describe
    ehm..shit and/or sunshine.

  19. Well at least u did something! Most people look the other way in stressful and edgy situations.

    I'm not one who theorizes about what i would have done. When a moment like that arrives, and i’m there, then at that very moment i will decide what to do, depending on my mood, and the situation at hand.

    Yes i visited ur country, and yes i rode one.

  20. Psychology? Oh yes, many errors, lol. But the same counts for physics etc. Guess u would be surprised with the effects some of my psychological interventions can have on people, hehehe.

  21. LOL? this woman dosent know who lavine is . Just got one comment (This is why I dont support WNBA.) In my opinon this profile reminds me of the bad domatrix episode on CSI.

    Then theres the bad english compliment classic and might I add worn out comeback who did your material Howard Stern.

  22. Oh my gawd, Grumpy Anonymous is back, aka the misogynist toddler, who bravely skips from WNBA to CSI, to satisfy his longing for worshipping a vanilla woman's boot, but would run in case one was presented to him r/l.

    But psssst, u know what is worse? Besides his bad English, he can't distinguish between an "a" and an "e", lol, that way mixing up an evangelist with a man i could share a few intellectual moments with. Silly eh? Yep, but it's just the way it is with people living in dark closets. They can’t see right, u know.

  23. Ayesha-

    Thanks for the extensive and uniquely you comment on my recent post about....ur/this recent post. I replied, of cors (grin).

    Chemistry, of a sort? Without a doubt!


  24. Will you take me to the opera?

  25. Ok, let's be very realistic now, talking only a r/l event! If i would say 'yes', in what kind of outfit would u meet me outside of the Metropolitan Opera House at Lincoln Square, going to enjoy with me Lucia di Lammermoor?

  26. I would dress all in white, like Anna Netrebko singing Il doce suono, with wild frizzy hair and smeared makeup!

    Seriously, joining you for an opera at the Met would almost be worth leaving my life and livelihood for. I could come live with you, and when we are not sampling the arts, you could leave me chained in front of a typewriter, cranking out stories and poems while you crack the whip periodically.

    I do have to ask, have you seen Das Rheingold? I only saw the broadcast presentation, and I wonder if it as awesome to see live as I think.

  27. I see ur thoughts were drifting for a while, lol.

    I'm surprised u've asked me that question, as u could have known, i ceased to listen, or play myself, works of Wagner, and other anti-Semites! Besides, i’ve found his music pompous, semi-heroic, noisy, and utterly boring. No wonder Hitler was enchanted by it, and even wanted it to be played in his concentration camps.

  28. Ah, yes. How could I have forgotten? You are right, of course. No excuse for my ignorance. If I may offer something by way of an explanation, I do like stories about magic rings and ancient gods (but now that I think of it, Alberich might be something of a nasty stereotype). Have you read any Neil Gaiman?

    My thoughts do tend to drift... victim of a short attention span, I'm afraid. But you, my friend, are a veritable rock. It would be easy to fall for you.

  29. I hadn't even heard of this person till now, lol. So i did a quick search, and learned a few things. But unlike u, i derive not much excitement from reading comics, and/or fantasy books. Especially not when there's (almost) no link to r/l situations. I mean when there's not an immediate possibility to transfer at least part of the story to a r/l scene. As u probably know, i like to act on my fantasies, live them.

    Btw, Scientology is far from being a church. It’s more a totalitarian organization, practicing brainwash and indoctrination, implemented by goody-goody babble and objectionable intimidation of its members. I’ve read Dianetics. It made me puke.

  30. I've been meaning to reply for quite some time. Never knew until I heard it from you that Neil Gaiman MIGHT be a Scientologist. I don't think he has ever been clear on this, which seems uncharacteristic for one who practices. Little though I know about the cult, I do not recall seeing any references in any of his writings. In any case, it might well be that he has his own struggles with the cult (i.e. family members) so it might not be fair to judge.

    His Sandman series is the one comic, outside of Maus, that I would recommend for a non-comic reader. It is difficult to find a starting place (as the series began rather strangely, and then found its feet) but I think the "Season of Mists" storyline is quite brilliant. You should check it out. Really. Granted, I haven't read it for years (or any other comic, for that matter) so I'm not sure how it stands the test of time, but I would still recommend it.

    He really is more of a Horror writer than fantasy, in that he pushes the boundaries of reality, with a twist. Really, I think you might enjoy him. Have you seen the movie Coraline?

  31. R u saying "Coraline" is a horror movie, lol?

    U mean 'reality' as most humans perceive same, or some kind of a 'universal reality'? Btw, the existence of parallel universes is more likely, than only one universe. Come to think of it, it's not even unlikely that there r overlapping universes.

  32. *gasp* of course Coraline is a horror movie! Is it a slasher movie? No, of course not, but think about how scary it is, particularly if you are a child... go on, think: wake up one day in a world that so resembles your own, only to gradually find out it is utterly rotten and hollow, and oh, you can't get back!

    There are many more layers, of course, but you did mention parallel universes (you could be sitting next to one right now, oh no!) and yeah, the truth is that reality is far more complex and fascinating than we could ever imagine. We give far too much credit to these "remarkably advanced" brains of ours.

    Really, it makes me want to puke whenever I hear someone gush about what remarkable creatures we are. I mean, that is sort of true, but that really says more about the universe that it does us, and that is saying nothing of the ants, rabbits, elephants, etc. etc.

  33. U saw that movie when u were a kid?

    The world u wake up in each day is not "utterly rotten and hollow"?

    Reality is a relative concept, and what is real, is what we make of it.

    Oh but we r remarkable creatures. Just look at how we r able to create the most horrible things imaginable, murder and slaughter our kin, pollute our home, and simultaneously can create incredibly beautiful poetry, mind boggling altruistic actions, and unite with others beyond what words could tell.