Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Next Step

I was shocked and devastated. Yes people, i entered the realm of despair, the moment i realized our tender and bittersweet love affair had disappeared in the dark abyss of oblivion b4 it could bloom into something really special, murdered, cremated, and disposed of, by a revengeful, ruthless, and merciless submissive wired Black Alpha Knight. He broke my heart, leaving me with unbearable pain. I felt so vulnerable then. So alone. So betrayed too!

I took me some time to digest all this, to recover a bit from this blow, to heal and to collect myself. But here i am, ready to analyze again, ready for the next step.

What? U don’t know of whom i’m talking about? Come on, r u kidding me? Don’t u keep track of what’s going on in important virtual soaps? U should u know. Otherwise u will be missing out tremendously. U mean u have better things to do? U sound like Saratoga! Yes, he’s the one.

Cariñosamente i call him Sara. He’s such a sweetheart u know. Always showing deep respect for us women, no matter how lousy we treat him, humiliate him, or laugh at him. But wait, that’s not completely true. He makes exceptions. Only women who support him, scratch his back in return, and assure him that he’s doing the right thing, can count on that. And they love him for it. They need his respect. Without it, they would feel lost, lonely, and far from being dominant. Even when he’s doubting his rotten attitude toward poor me, these dames pamper him by whispering into his eager ears, that he shouldn’t pay attention to me, that he should dump me, and that all is good and all is right. Can u imagine? And those should be my sister femdoms? Yeah right! There’s a difference u know, between women who find it utterly interesting to discuss anal training of their subbie hubby, his punishment and correction (i’ve heard corner time is a favorite in those circles) should he not properly have served his goddess, the sanitary problems that come with chastity belts, or the advantages of cuckolding, and women like me, who would rather become a vanilla nun than to get involved in boring stuff like that.

U know what’s also lacking in debates like that? It’s humor! These discussions and exchanges of thoughts r as dry as deserts during summer. No fun at all. Always so deeply serious. As if those topics really were important. Everything has to be logical too. And philosophical. And……….. oh geeeez. There is no humor whatsoever in vanilla femdom. These people don’t even grasp it when it’s present in other realms, i.e. feminine femdom. Take for instance my collages. People like Sara never would notice any humor in them. But rest assured, without humor, there can’t be any femdom. He and his Dommes (ugh) know that of cors, but will never admit same. They’d rather drown in platonic encounters while having tea in the library, than to take some risks and live without the crap that’s keeping them from having a truly passionate, humorous, and orgiastic d/s life.

Come to think of it, u know what’s really funny within this context? According to Sara i’m wacked out, lol. Now here’s a man, who wants to be pissed on by his Domme (bleh) or to drink her urine, to be treated like a pet, to grovel at a woman’s feet, to lick the dirt off her boots, or to have a dildo shoved up his ass, and he bluntly calls me wacked out? Roflmfao!

Here’s a funny vid. Purely for ur entertainment. But there is a deeper thought to it too (grin).

So what happened? Well let me tell u. After an icy period, Sara found the courage to publicly praise me. He always loved me secretly of cors, as i was the one femdom he really wanted to be enslaved by. All others were nice, supportive, willing to play with him, but there was always something missing. Yes u guessed it. He never felt like a slave with them. He didn’t even know how that would feel, hehe. That’s also the reason why he prefers to describe himself as a submissive wired male, not a slave. In contrast he also sees himself as an alpha male. As i explained many times b4, for a femdom like me, such a combination of personality traits is not a paradox at all. But Sara is struggling with this. That’s why he needs to debate and discuss d/s so much. That’s why he’s afraid of femdoms who want 24/7/365 unconditionally. For Sara an alpha male can’t fit into a femdom world like mine, while i only want relationships with alpha males, lol. Guess there must be all sorts of alpha males then. Like there all sorts of femdoms, hehehe.

Sara told me there was chemistry between the 2 of us. His words? But of cors. Here they r: “Chemistry, of a sort? Without a doubt!” and, “Ours would be chemistry born more of spice than sugar. Perhaps more affecting because of it.

He also vowed he would never censor me. And what happened? That’s right. He censored me. Not cos he was afraid the Internet police would kick his ass should he have published my fine contribution to his blog, but cos, and i quote: “I wearied of being drawn into her vortex of negative energy and venom, so I just hit ‘reject’ without even reading it”. Believe me, i cried my heart out when reading his words. Goddammit, he didn’t even read my comment, and yet he decided to reject it as “pure negativity”. Such horror. Such prejudice. Such negativity! But alas, that’s how it is with submissive alpha males who say they want to be slave to a woman, but r too vanilla to ever become one. So what do they do? They go witch hunting. They go and find a scapegoat. They do all that which made the patriarch so despicable. And they feel great about it too. And when other self proclaimed Dommes (damn, i’ll never will get used to that stupid concept), scream hallelujah in their favor, these men r on top of the world. Yep, it may be nasty to some, but it has to be said, they get a kick out of moving from the bottom to the top. It’s then when they feel comfortable enough to crawl out into the open with advertisements like: “I’m open to ownership by a compatible dominant female”. It’s then when a Kittens Nest is created, in which vanilla femdoms and vanilla slaves can find, hug, and respect each other in eternal bliss.

Oh, u want to know what i wrote in that infamous and never published comment of mine? U can’t wait reading same u say? That’s what u came here for? Relax, i won’t deny u the pleasure. But i also will publish it here for my Sara, cos in his blind fear for getting exposed to all my divine nastiness, he never ever came to read it himself. Well, that’s what he said eh, and i wouldn’t want to call this fine gentleman a liar, now would i?

But first the preliminaries, so u can put everything in the right perspective and context eh? To begin with read “In Saratoga’s Footsteps”, a little down below, including the comments on same. After that? Continue reading here. It’s all unedited. Got that? Great.

Back? Ok, let’s go on with the show.


U felt flattered by my blog? That’s really great Sara, as it was my intention to pay a little homage to the man who for years now is dedicating so much time to dominant females and their derivates. And not to forget the pleasure i get when occasionally i come over to read the deposits of the stirrings of ur soul. But only a little, as that blog was not about u. U came in when i was looking for a catching title for the thing. Then u popped up, et voilà, there it was. Superb and appropriate. I even could base my collage on it. Did u recognize urself in that picture? Did u like the scene? Would u like to happen something like that in ur life?

I’m criticizing? Really? Damn! Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa. But did u read my comment on ur comment in my blog? Or did u skip that one perhaps?

And hey! That bottle u stole from my place? Yes that’s right, the green one filled with acid. Don’t deny it. U uncorked it to get a taste. And u liked it too. Now bring it back the next time u visit! I mean, for ur own good, as u shouldn’t play around with stuff like that. It works like a bad drug on good people like urself, while it serves as an elixir of life for femdoms like me.

Juicy detail? After having received a delicious whipping, a drop or 2 on their opened skin does wonders to the healing of vanillas experimenting with d/s.


No, I'm happy to inform you that I won't be wasting any more of my time on your post. So I didn't see your comment. The blog which was the subject of your post wasn't all that interesting, either, btw.

Simply reading your post and comments, and then writing mine, was as much negative energy as I care to accommodate.

I published your comment so other readers can see how wacked out and hopelessly spiteful, nasty and venomous you are.

As to the pictures, no, I really didn't bother to study them vis a vis the prose. Have better things to do with my time.

And now……drums rolling…….eyes rolling……….here’s the one y’all have been waiting for.


"So I didn't see your comment."? That's odd. U ask me a question, and then u don't bother to come back to read my answer? I can't believe that.

".....wasn't all that interesting" Huh? But Sara, u also wrote in my blog: "As for the post, it's great! Thanks for the attribution. I couldn't have written the story any better than you. I loved your last comment to the woman whose identity we now know."

U know, i think u became just a little bit too irritated by that darn posting of mine, lost it for a moment, and, as a result of that, messed up our fragile chemistry. Damn, it's all Tamara's fault! Without her, i never would have written such awful stuff. But it’s my fault too. I should have known that vanilla women, stumbling around in an artificial d/s environment, need to show their paper tiger claws, once they r approached and feel threatened by an utterly empathic and good willing femdom like me. Conforming to patriarchal rule, they will defend their territory with a vengeance, losing all perspective of what really is going on. Yes, as a veteran in the field, i definitely should have known this. I should have hugged the poor girl instead, encouraged her to continue her journey to nowhere, and spoken some sweet and soft words to calm her down. But u know me eh? I couldn’t resist to tell her what was on my mind. But then again, what’s a provocative blizzard to a vanilla Domme in the making, is a soft tropical breeze to me.

Geeez, i really thought u would like that picture of me, following u in that sinister alley.

But i’m glad u could collect urself, and appreciate u published my comment. And u r right. It’s true. I can be very spiteful, nasty, and venomous. Wacked out at times as well. Still herds of people r longing for me. Makes me wonder. Could this have something to do with my observation that so many vanilla d/s aficionados want to be humiliated, degraded, dehumanized, treated like a dog or like filth, and live under the rule of a despotic woman?

For gezunterhait.

See what i mean? Sara has problems to make up his mind. Well…um….actually it’s more his status of seeing himself as a submissive alpha male which makes it problematic for him to admit he’s drawn to me. So instead, he’s swaying between extremes. Sometimes he’s smitten by my writings, other times he’s appalled by them. He’s like a politician, unable to live by his beliefs, and therefore constantly in need of getting support from others to make him believe he’s the righteous one nonetheless. I also could compare it with what shrinks call a manic-depressive disorder, or simply up and down phases.

These days Sara is in his down period, and doesn’t care at all how i must feel now he has so harshly abandoned me (sniff, sob).

Yes, yes, i know, i know. It’s great when people r interacting in harmony, with respect, empathy, and all that other pseudo-life-enriching stuff. In essence great concepts actually, and we should cherish them. However, they became totally eroded, worn out, inflated, and without any content left. They became like silly greeting rituals like, “How are you?”, while we don’t give a damn about the wellbeing of the person we asked that question. Things like that became routine and meaningless. Still many of us deny same, and keep on looking at them as if they were sacred tools, helping us to stay honorable and honest when interacting with others. But like i once wrote to a dear friend of mine:

“It may be nice, uplifting, reassuring, and enjoyable. But it will only bring u that, nothing more. Interacting with people who r challenging ur beliefs, convictions, paradigms, dreams, and proven facts, who r disagreeing with same, putting capital question marks where u thought u had answers, r the ones who indeed will make u feel miserable, lost, doubtful, and wishing u never had interacted with them. But they will make u see more clearly what u thought was already clear enough. They will bring light where u thought brightness was absolute king, and they will show u that there’s darkness where black is a laughable color. They will give u an opportunity, which ur lovable, ever supporting, encouraging, and hugable friends, will never be able to give u. The opportunity to feel the edge of life, the abyss of pain and sorrow, as well as the peak of ecstasy and unbearable joy. Then, the waters of ur river of life will be split open by the rocks it encounters, but grinding and polishing them at the same time. Ur life will be one of chaos and harmony simultaneously. A paradox for ur sweet friends. But not for u. U said u were on a journey? Then travel!”

Sara seems to like the ideas of Robert Nozick. And although some ideas of this great thinker r appealing to me, i can’t say i’m really a fan myself. But since Sara is a rather conservative person with a tendency to sometimes lean over toward libertarian ideas, i include here 2 quotes of the late philosopher related to the subject at hand:

I guess my tendency is to think essentially that the new wrinkles won't do the job if the old major idea didn't, and so you have to try something different. Then maybe they can all be combined in some coherent piece.

“It is, from another angle, an attack on requiring proof in philosophy. And it's also the case, I guess, that my temperament is to like interesting, new, bold ideas, and to try and generate them.”

R u ready for ur next step now? U sure? Start walking!


  1. Your struggle to ennoble your life by utilizing strong emotions is almost romantic. But eventually every emotion becomes elusive and slips away. Therefore exists irony, which is only a more conscious or less hypocritical version of what you call “vanilla”.
    It's all about how you regard your passions. Are they the touchstones of authenticity or can't they be trusted?

  2. Guess u must be a true fan of "Definitely, Maybe" and other stories like that, but really Georg, it will be much more rewarding for u, if u would take this kind of talk to vanilla femdoms, as it's them who make a fuzz about ennobling their life by demanding for instance to be called Goddess, Lady, Czarina, Queen, Princess, and Lilith knows what more silliness they can come up with.

    Meanwhile i’ll continue to cherish my passions, and live them without giving much thought about their authenticity, if they could be trusted, or if their corresponding emotions could slip away one day. Btw, where did u dig up that wisdom that they will? All of them? Wow! Lemme hurry up then, and enjoy them b4 u will launch ur awful Armageddon.

  3. Ayesha, you took this one the wrong way. I did not mean to mock you or your lifestyle; yet there was a bit of projection in my post, granted. The term “ennoble your life” was a bad choice, I'm no native speaker. Let me change it to “make life worth living”. What I want to ask you is important for me (and I would not ask a mainstream domme, because I agree that mainstream femdom is ridiculous): When you embrace your passions, can you forget yourself? Doesn't it feel awkward or absurd afterwards? There is no allusion or hidden message in this question, I just think an answer would be helpful for me and my life.
    Btw, mentioning me and Armageddon in one sentence is out of proportion and makes me blush. I'm way to modest for such drama, let alone that I don't believe in something like that.

  4. I think that's one of the major issues of the vanilla world: People vigorously believe in the existence of things (i.e. an omnipotent deity) which r in complete contradiction with their ideas about logic and common sense (2 other holy paradigms of vanillas), while they frantically refuse to believe in the reality that's right in front of them (i.e. Ayeshian femdom, hehehe).

    As for ur question? The essence of feminine femdom is to dominate what i’ve called “MyEgo”, to keep that one in bondage and to restrict her physical movements, while mentally nurturing her impulses and whims. So, i never forget myself, nor her. And if by any chance it would happen (and it did), then there always will be someone around who will remind me of same. Doesn't mean i can't lose myself in the Singularity, and become one with the one(s) i enter same. To feel awkward after that is absurd :)

  5. Only a rodomont calls himself "ALPHA MALE", especially when he has "NO HAREM" and is longing for submission and Slavery.
    It foreshadows that he is just searching a sex toy to expel his boredom. Is it so difficult just to serve as brave men do? Yes very difficult because his image and that, in his image woven illusions, build up obstacles in his ways with every of his discombulated thoughts. What happened to his "Harem", are the women in his life degradeted to home slaves, is he used to just steel the Honey from his busy bees- without noticing that he left them hungry? It is right to take away all his illusiones by a sharp cut, give him bitter medicin to cure him from every pride which is still residing in his false parameters of of his mind and his selfishness. Out demons out!
    Thank you Ayesha for that lovable Christmas present- the concert with Piano and Flute*

  6. Yes....um....u must be right about the medicine lol. But as the Beta Male he actually is, he's simply too vain, too scared, and too vanilla, to set aside his resistance to change, and rather stays in the Kittens Nest together with his harem of women, who only r too eager to satisfy male fantasies about patriarchal based femdom. Nothing much has changed. It’s just a variant of housewives giving in to the banal wishes of their husbands.