Friday, January 28, 2011


As long as i can remember, i’ve always questioned the intentions of people who believe that bad moods r a bad thing. I even doubt there is such a thing as a bad mood. In fact, i think that people who essentially believe that i should live by the credo “don’t worry, be happy”, r bad people, and that people who wrote onto their banner “think positive”, r very negative. And people who can’t stop telling me that my bottle is not half empty but half full, i consider plain evil.

Not that being bad, negative, or evil would be a bad thing as per definition eh? I’m just saying this to create a good atmosphere here. Or, if u will, a venomous and acid atmosphere. I just know that atmospheres like that r good. Well at least not as bad as those damned sugar coated ones, where nobody knows what’s really going on, or is trapped in the idea that all is good and all is well. Take for instance Obama’s latest State of the Union speech, in particular the part in which he said how good it was that gays also r allowed now to openly kill America’s enemies. He didn’t say it in so many words, which was bad of cors, but that is what it meant. And what if that gay person would also be a Christian, eh? How to align his new right to legally murder others, with the message from the sixth (in some lists it’s the fifth, lol) of The Ten Commandments? Yeah yeah, no need trying to get me into a bad mood now, i know, “kill” was replaced by some people in a good mood, by “murder”. I’m just saying there’s a new problem for gay people now. Which could trigger all kinds of strange moods.

Anyway, what i am aiming at here is to get rid of that stupid idea that moods could be bad. They’re all good. Very good even. It’s just that some authority figures, and other bad people, want u to believe that some r bad. And especially bad for u! Yes u! And u! And u too! Why is that? Cos they can’t stand u to be in a good mood, when u feel bad, depressed, lonely, abandoned, guilty, lousy, sick, broke, well u name it. Yes that’s why. They want u to feel really guilty, depressed, and lousy, about stuff that’s not worth even a second thought. Like for instance, when instead of having vanilla sex with ur spouse, u want to fuck ur neighbor’s dog, or the dog to fuck the love of ur life instead of u. But they want u to feel great and in a very good mood, when u’ve killed the kid of some unknown enemy in a far away land. Should u not be in a good mood then, and feel sad or lousy when wiping the blood off ur knife, then they’ll send u to a shrink, cos they can’t cope with the sight of a hero in a bad mood. It would only cause them a bad mood. Which would be good of cors.

As for me? I cherish all my moods. I actually love them. No such thing as a bad mood for me. Not that i wouldn’t feel bad if that damned Rottweiler from across the street had fucked me silly, and wouldn’t feel sad if i had skinned him alive afterwards, but such things would never cause me a bad mood. Why is that? Cos there r no bad moods silly. They’re all good. Well for me eh? And the same should count for u. And u. Yes, and u too! But only if u love to live intense, extreme, on the edge, and kick authorities’ ass. To intensify my moods is what makes me feel alive.

When i feel down, i want to really feel down. Not somewhere in between downs. Not halfway down. And certainly not take action to feel less down. When i’m down, i want to see the bottom of my abyss, disappear in total darkness, and feel the core of that black hole. Sometimes i venture even deeper, and challenge that darkness by laughing at it, mocking it, and telling it what a lousy black hole it has crafted, full of light and sweetness. It’s then when i go places i never had visited b4, enjoying my depression to the fullest.

When i feel anger, i want to feel real anger. Not some surrogate anger. When i feel rage, i want to feel real rage. Not some half baked make believe one. When i feel joy, i want to fly on its wings to the Joy Universe in the fifth dimension. Not some place sanctioned by the blessing of a deranged moralist or ethics freak. When i love, i want to break the boundaries of love, to create new horizons for love, and to crush anybody who dares to hold me back.

Oh, and mood swings can make my day. To travel between the extremes is truly a rush. U should try it sometimes. Yes, i mean u. And u. And u too! But only if u r in a good mood.


  1. I totally agree. Being a ridiculously self-controlled person, I love that quality in a woman. It's sometimes scary, but it feels alive, which is a wonderful thing.

  2. Hiya Miss Ayesha..took me twice reading your blog here n i still dont understand your grasp on a third read n i'll understand yeah..
    For me if i'm down i play music n let my mind race through all the good things in my life i have or i go riding my Harley then i'm fixed..mended cos when your down only one way to go thats up...when i'm you better watch out cos i get outta i'm angry or alter ego comes out n i go hunting...i dont stop until the limit i set is reached..dunno if i would call them moods or to ponder i guess.

  3. Man! I am so boring it depresses me. At least it would if I was interesting enough to become depressed.

    Alas, I neither get real high, nor real low. I probably spend too much time noodling on my guitar, or listening to some great jazz guitarists. It's a total self indulgence, and a colossal waste of time.

    No wonder I'm so boring.

  4. @ George: I love that quality in a man as well.

    @Marie: Well good for u Gorgeous, and by all means, read it a 3rd time.

    @ Uxy: Oh gosh, were u a bit moody? Here's something to get u in the mood.

  5. Stanley Jordan - Wonderful! Many thanks Ayesha.

    He's a master at tapping. By the way, whenever I want to simply chill, I'll listen to Jobim. You can't beat a good bossa nova. I don't know a word of Portuguese, but Elis Regina, or Joao Gilbert can remove any stress almost instantly.

  6. Here's the first lesson for a language u might want to learn as well :)