Saturday, February 20, 2010

A Flame no more

We made plans to meet in Jerusalem this year. It will never happen. Elizabeth is dead. She went to another world. A world i will travel to as well, some years from now.

She was like a flame: Bright, spirited, erratic, dancing through life, beautiful, soft, playful, biting, at times flickering tiny, a blazing inferno when harassed, but always warm and hot.

She left us in flames as well, leaving her ashes behind in the cool waters of the sea.

I could tell u now about her, about her dreams, about our shared passions, our love, and our anti-vanilla convictions. But i won't. Instead i'll let her speak for herself, by sharing with u three of her (unedited) writings to me.

My Ayesha

again I can see our tastes on general life outlook and SM field (are they really two different things?)are very similar.Yes, as a sub, I m quite strong-willed and rebellious, and that have gained me in the past severe punishments from mistresses that didn't like this kind of attitude.On the other hand, my masochism is just a physical one: I don t feel at all the need to serve and be an unpaid waitress to an old hag that wants to save on her home budget by having a slavegirl at hand...I seek a splendid, intelligent and highly sensuous woman that has my same kinks and fetishistic preferences, who wants to enjoy part, or her entire life with a girl that loves leather, rubber and most of all...whips.You say you could be quite dangerous when your libido gets free, without in that wonderful painting, but that's exactly another of my favourite things: I m not afraid to discover the darker side of my lover's sexuality: knowing we have no finely established limits only adds to the already great thrill of being used like a pleasure animal by her...Just like Bram Stoker s Mina, I'd revel in seeing her unleash her deepest, natural hunger to hurt, to slash savagely just to reach her special, unique goal.I'd be in religious awe before this True Woman, this Sacred Priestess who is performing the rite of evolution of the ignorant girl, that needs Her Love to raise above the mediocrity of her ignorance. It doesn't matter if Her Love is a cruel one and does hurt, if her flesh will be striped to the blood; since it's beautiful and pure, a spiritual kind of sex.This regards, of course, those special moments...In everyday life, I love too having fun, going to locals, discotheques and feeling the particular atmosphere of sleazy places, just like you, just as I love going to concerts, movies and vernissages.Perhaps I'm a bit old-fashioned for a girl my age, but, frankly, I prefer it this way. I like the way I am.


And in relation to a couple of pictures i uploaded to my Yahoo group AST, she wrote about the one above:

Funny as it may sound, it's just the "Getting There" drawing that I like the most and find it irresistibly erotic...I see it like a love scene: late in the night, the restless beautiful dominant needed to appease her kind of sexual desires, so she got down in the dungeon, where she kept her lover chained, and fully knowing that he wanted it at least as bad as she did, she lashed him freely, with abandon, without any silly limit, with the only goal of her own and his pleasure, a special kind that only few can understand, when the sexual satisfaction is so rarefied that it transforms itself in a thing of much higher value, raising from the 1st to the 6th Chakra. So, even if they do not touch physically each other, the only contact being that through her whip, in effect they perform a classical rite of love-making, of the most beautiful kind.


You know, my Ayesha, I'm young, but I think I know something about psychology, and between your witty, lightly sarcastic lines I perceive a fear to be hurt (spiritually, I mean).Somebody sometime must have disillusioned you with false love offerings and you suffered for it and now, every time your heart is going to open up, you immediately take a step backward, afraid of the consequences, afraid of losing your power, afraid of pain.I may be wrong, of course. But it wouldn't change anything, anyway...I'm the sticking type: I'll always be at your side, your true friend.


I will travel there. To that sea. I will swim in Mar Tirreno. When its waters caress my body, she will be there, caressing me as well. And we will weep bitterly and joyfully.

Farewell, my Elizabeth.

Im ein ani li, mi li? U'ch'she'ani l'atzmi mah ani? V'im lo achshav eimatai? (Pirkei Avos chapter one - mishna 14)