My inner voice: "For crying out loud Ayesha, why on earth would u want to follow the Great Inquisitor of femdom, eh? Don’t u realize u r not in his league? That it would take years and years of roaming Cyberspace, for u to come even close to his knowledge, insights, and superb assessments of sublime, less sublime, and plainly stupid dommes ( i still hate that word)? And i won’t even mention all his r/l contacts, the ones he’s having coffee with all the time, and who r testing his resilience when it comes to devouring their morning piss after having had a luscious asparagus meal the night b4. Oh, and then the quality of his English writing skills! In comparison, urs r laughable!"
My other inner voice: "I know, i know, the task is enormous, and will resemble a joint venture of Sisyphus Ltd, Tantalus Gmbh, and Prometheus NV. But those were men eh? I’m a woman remember, and a femdom at that. Besides, i like a challenge. And don’t forget, there’s chemistry between us. The Man said so himself. He will only welcome me to walk with him. Of cors i’ll keep a respectful distance. Not only for not to disturb this d/s giant in his meditations, and evaluations of the stray cats he might meet in the alleys of his preference, but also to secretly keep an eye on him. So shut the fuck up, and let me embark on this!"
Then there was silence. I love silence. That’s why i love to gag people sometimes. But i can’t stand ball gags.
Ok, back to biz.
A few days ago i came across the blog of a couple who r setting their first steps in the world of d/s. Now mind u, i certainly didn’t want to follow in their footsteps, as the content of their blog entries were nada di gaba. Still i thought for a fleeting moment they could be of interest. They seemed so innocent u know, so willing to explore, so different from most gasping self-proclaimed and self-absorbed d/s aficionados, that they softened my heart, and awoke the upper layers of my motherly instincts.
I could have followed in the footsteps of mr Assange as well of cors, as it seems trendy these days to hang out to dry other people’s dirty laundry, but i won’t reveal their identities, nor the url of their blog. I know this will anger Saratoga a bit, but he will survive. Besides, if it would be really important for u to know, any smartass, even below average ones, could easily find out of whom i’m talking about.
As so often, it was the man who was struggling to lure his spouse into taking up a more dominant role in their relationship, or rather into a FLR. FLR stands for Female Led Relationship. To me that’s femdom for rookies who r too afraid to go for the real thing, or dummies who don’t realize they never will experience that thing, simply cos they r vanilla at heart.
The woman was struggling as well, as she’s introduced to us as, “a non-dominant woman struggling to find a way of dealing with her husband's submissiveness.” For sure not an easy task, as this man claims he’s not attracted to a woman per se when it comes to being dominated. It could easily be a man. But since he’s (mainly) heterosexual, he’s not so much inclined to submit to a man. But if he would be homosexual, his wife would be a man. Confusing eh? Yep, very. And i’m not making this up folks. This is what he wrote on their page. And even if he would be longing exclusively for a woman to dominate him, he would end up unfulfilled, cos his woman is not dominant! And she never will be. Such tragedy (grin).
He also has no real fetish. This poor man doesn’t care if his wife dresses up for him in fetish wear or not. Neither he considers himself a cd, but he loves to wear panties, to strut around in hh boots, and to apply nail polish. Stuff like that goes on and on. Clearly he is struggling with his identity, suffering from the consequences of same. Constantly he’s theorizing, asking questions, and disclosing their intimate encounters to his audience. I think their blog is like psychotherapy to them. Or simply a way to get some zest into their life, cos all of this could only be a fantasy as well.
Since it is my policy to take the citizens of Cyberspace as they present themselves, i gave these 2 the benefit of the doubt, and commented on a few blogs. In good Saratogian tradition, i’ll repost some of the lines from their site. Unedited too.
1. The gender issue.
His babbling made me all woozy and empathic to his cause. So i decided to put some heart into this meandering guy:
Many dichotomies only exist cos people need anchors and labels. Without them they would feel lost. Masculinity/femininity is one of them. And it is a stupid one too. Every human being has a feminine as well as a masculine side, even physically. Within a patriarchal society, most males tend to be afraid to show their feminine part. The result is confusion, guilt feelings, and like u observed pretty well, when they give in to those feelings, it has to be in a humiliating and degrading way. Sad, that’s what it is.
Even in one of the strictest and most patriarchal religions, Judaism, their god Yahweh is seen as having a feminine side, going by the name of the Shekhina. Ergo, leave it to the morons of modern times to cultivate the dogma that the two genders r completely separate entities, and that when a male has feelings like u have, something must be wrong. And in come the shrinks, lol.
Btw, don’t fall for mainstream femdom, as it is mostly based on patriarchal values, and corresponding male fantasies.
@Ayesha: Yes, I think we feel the same. And, no, I don't want to act out any clichée settings. ......... (name withheld) and myself - we both agree wholeheartedly that we don't want to act out roles, but be and remain ourselves ... searching for and finding our own, special way. The only thing, which we want to let guiding us, is the question, whether it feels good to both of us or not.
Not too bad eh? So i thought, hey, lemme do another one. And so it happened.
2. The famous “teasing and denial” crap.
After a lot of “yes, no, and why” he (they) finally came to this conclusion, and of cors this question, hehehe,
I don't know what to say. The whole "tease and denial" seems to be no good idea. The both of us don't know, how to "tease" me, so that I really "want" an orgasm that much that I'm able to overcome my pride and beg for it. And just "denying" me an orgasm is good to a certain extend, but it seems also to have bad side-effects, like weakening my interest in sex in general, making it more difficult to me to get an hard-on, and shortening the act itself because of me coming to the edge too quickly.
Since "tease and denial" seems to be so crucial to a well-functioning FLR, what should we do?
And she added:
I don't want him to act. I do not simply want to hear him begging. I want him to beg and MEAN it.
It's quite simple, and u two have discovered it already: Teasing and denial is stupid!
"I want him to beg and MEAN it." U REALLY want this .......... (name withheld)? Then find out what HE REALLY wants, and keep it from him till he bursts from desire. Then he will beg and MEAN it, hehe.
Aber sag mir mal, Domina in statu nascendi, bist du dir 100% sicher? Glaubst du wirklich so eine Szene würde dich sexuell erregen, und vielleicht sogar einen Orgasmus besorgen? Na dann mal los, lol.
As their site, like mine, wasn’t set to moderation, i expected to see my comment right away. And it did. But the next day it was gone. As it turned out, the lady of the house had removed it. The reason for that?
Weil ich keine Lust hatte, mich provozieren zu lassen.
Translated to English this reads more or less: I wasn’t in the mood for provocation. I scratched my brain. I even went down to my limbic system to find out how provocative this was. Nothing came up. Not even when taking into consideration what i had written in German, her preferred language. Then my inner voice whispered: “Ayesha dear, did u forget? Were u so smitten with this adorable couple that u lost sight of reality? Try to remember darling: Small people take offense quite easily. Especially when rocking their boat in the shallow waters of their comfort zone, those waters can change into troubled waters in no time, making the small ones feel even smaller. When that happens, the midgets will try to retaliate b4 the rest of their power evaporates as well.”
My inner voice was right. That’s exactly what happened, lol.
But first my response to that silly remark of this non-dominant woman in distress:
Seems it's difficult for u to distinguish between good intentions, serious discussion, humor, and provocation. It happens u know? Especially when a woman is swaying between trying to become dominant and staying vanilla, she’s losing her humorous side as quickly as she‘s getting frustrated and moody when having PMS. In the end, mostly this will result in some kind of compromise, a compromise i’ve baptized vanilla femdom. A surrogate for the real thing.
Ponder this: A domina is never taught to be dominant. A domina never needs to grow into dominance. A domina is born dominant, and doesn’t want to be anything else. The same counts for a slave. Once connected, they will be there for each other, and live their passion, no matter what. Never will there be any concern about what other people think of them. Never will there be any doubt. Never will there be any hiding. These people know who they r, what they want, and how they will act on same. These people truly feel free to live as they desire to live, free from all cultural and societal bondage as well.
All the rest is play. Often bad acting too.
A domina doesn’t acknowledge any law, any rule, any rite or protocol, just cos some authority figure, government, or judicial system tells her she must. A domina is her own judge, prosecutor, and lawyer. A domina simply knows what’s right or wrong! A domina doesn’t depend on what her neighbors think, or what is expected from her in the workplace, if she has one. Instead, she’s role model to them, and sets the course of action in the company she may be working for.
A domina also knows how silly and utterly banal slavery can be sometimes, and doesn’t take herself too seriously. But she doesn’t worry about that. Instead, she and her slave(s) laugh it off then, knowing how relative all this is. After that, they continue to enjoy themselves in the cruelest ways imaginable, lol.
May, whoever ur god is, be with u, as Lilith will refuse to stand at ur side.
Now quickly, delete this message as well.
I admit, this was a little bit less friendly than my earlier posting, but still far from provocative eh? I mean according to the standards of a femdom. Not hers. Come to think of it, it’s actually a very helpful comment. Amateurs embarking on a journey to the Velvet Underground should take it to heart. They should embrace my good advice, and my sublime illustrations of what femdom is all about. It could save them much sorrow and misery. In fact it could save them from embarking on that journey at all. They could learn from it, that they will never reach the Promised Land, as that land was never meant to be populated by the Vanilla People. They should stay in safe Vanilla Land, and try to discuss and enhance their vanilla sex life, as there’s much left for them to do. For instance, the Provoked One has huge problems with getting an orgasm. Now there is an issue, don’t u think? And again, i’m not making this up. It’s all spread out on their site.
Then the storm came. Violently. She wrote:
Well, what else could be expected from someone whose declared hobby it is to ridicule others? - I just can't help having the impression that deep down inside you suffer from a lack of self-confidence which you try to cover up by attacking other people. - I will leave your last posting up because it seems typical of you. - But I will not tolerate any new ones from you. This is my blog, and I make the rules here. Go play somewhere else.
Caramba, isn’t that something? I mean for a non-dominant woman, this is like boiling lava from a huge volcano. So to ease things, to help her cool down again, i sent her this:
I see u couldn’t resist, and visited my site. Then, in an attempt to get back at me and save ur day, u picked something up from it, thinking it could help u to slander me. To achieve same even better, u conveniently took ur found out of context by generalizing same. To correct this, here’s what is actually written on the front page of my blog: "Together we ridicule fascists, quasi-femdoms, and boy scouts." Oh, and it’s not a hobby, eh? It’s one of my more serious and permanent ways to approach lowlifes, clones, clowns, and scumbags, who believe it’s their sacred right and duty, to make their mark on society by contaminating same with their disgusting ideas, laughable philosophies, and objectionable actions. Farshtaist?
"This is my blog, and I make the rules here." U sound like a spoiled kindergarten kid, yelling: "Mommy, mommy, Ayesha is provoking me mommy. This is my sand-box mommy, and I don’t want her in it, mommy", while crying and stamping ur little feet in anger, cos things r not going ur way.
Of cors u can't help having that impression. Many women suffer from the same when i'm around. It's a classical example of self-defense, and a futile one at that, to project ur own weaknesses onto me, so u can keep on going to believe u r the strong one around here, while actually, after having read my take on femdom, u feel lost, confused, and irritated, and would give the world, if only u could bring urself to admit that u long for my guidance now, instead of feeling compelled to follow ur vanilla instincts and pursue cliché ostrich policy.
Yes, like the title of ur blog says, u r in trouble ……………. (name withheld), hehehe.
U r right. My comment u so graciously, and with clenched teeth, left visible for all to see, is typical of me indeed. How could it be otherwise? I am that femdom.
Now hurry up girl, show ur other weakness, exploit that power, and censor me.
Der emess shtarbt nit ober er lebt vi an oreman.
Alas, it didn’t help. She was too far gone. So it never made it, as she had changed the settings of their blog to ‘moderation’. Ingratitude is the way of the vanilla world (sigh).
Now, was this a nice intermezzo or what? Long too, lol. But at least u could refresh ur memory of what my take on femdom is.
Saratoga? U still there? Did u make it to the end? Or did i leave u behind, and it’s u who’s following in my footsteps now? Don’t worry. I won’t arrest u for not fitting in my boots (grin).
Oh, b4 i forget. Remember she wanted him to beg, really beg? Good, as i want u to know that, despite my advice to her, i can’t stand begging within the realm of femdom. It simply doesn’t belong there. But i love to make vanillas beg me to be allowed to become my slave. Then send them away.