Moods

As long as i can remember, i’ve always questioned the intentions of people who believe that bad moods r a bad thing. I even doubt there is such a thing as a bad mood. In fact, i think that people who essentially believe that i should live by the credo “don’t worry, be happy”, r bad people, and that people who wrote onto their banner “think positive”, r very negative. And people who can’t stop telling me that my bottle is not half empty but half full, i consider plain evil.

Not that being bad, negative, or evil would be a bad thing as per definition eh? I’m just saying this to create a good atmosphere here. Or, if u will, a venomous and acid atmosphere. I just know that atmospheres like that r good. Well at least not as bad as those damned sugar coated ones, where nobody knows what’s really going on, or is trapped in the idea that all is good and all is well. Take for instance Obama’s latest State of the Union speech, in particular the part in which he said how good it was that gays also r allowed now to openly kill America’s enemies. He didn’t say it in so many words, which was bad of cors, but that is what it meant. And what if that gay person would also be a Christian, eh? How to align his new right to legally murder others, with the message from the sixth (in some lists it’s the fifth, lol) of The Ten Commandments? Yeah yeah, no need trying to get me into a bad mood now, i know, “kill” was replaced by some people in a good mood, by “murder”. I’m just saying there’s a new problem for gay people now. Which could trigger all kinds of strange moods.

Anyway, what i am aiming at here is to get rid of that stupid idea that moods could be bad. They’re all good. Very good even. It’s just that some authority figures, and other bad people, want u to believe that some r bad. And especially bad for u! Yes u! And u! And u too! Why is that? Cos they can’t stand u to be in a good mood, when u feel bad, depressed, lonely, abandoned, guilty, lousy, sick, broke, well u name it. Yes that’s why. They want u to feel really guilty, depressed, and lousy, about stuff that’s not worth even a second thought. Like for instance, when instead of having vanilla sex with ur spouse, u want to fuck ur neighbor’s dog, or the dog to fuck the love of ur life instead of u. But they want u to feel great and in a very good mood, when u’ve killed the kid of some unknown enemy in a far away land. Should u not be in a good mood then, and feel sad or lousy when wiping the blood off ur knife, then they’ll send u to a shrink, cos they can’t cope with the sight of a hero in a bad mood. It would only cause them a bad mood. Which would be good of cors.

As for me? I cherish all my moods. I actually love them. No such thing as a bad mood for me. Not that i wouldn’t feel bad if that damned Rottweiler from across the street had fucked me silly, and wouldn’t feel sad if i had skinned him alive afterwards, but such things would never cause me a bad mood. Why is that? Cos there r no bad moods silly. They’re all good. Well for me eh? And the same should count for u. And u. Yes, and u too! But only if u love to live intense, extreme, on the edge, and kick authorities’ ass. To intensify my moods is what makes me feel alive.

When i feel down, i want to really feel down. Not somewhere in between downs. Not halfway down. And certainly not take action to feel less down. When i’m down, i want to see the bottom of my abyss, disappear in total darkness, and feel the core of that black hole. Sometimes i venture even deeper, and challenge that darkness by laughing at it, mocking it, and telling it what a lousy black hole it has crafted, full of light and sweetness. It’s then when i go places i never had visited b4, enjoying my depression to the fullest.

When i feel anger, i want to feel real anger. Not some surrogate anger. When i feel rage, i want to feel real rage. Not some half baked make believe one. When i feel joy, i want to fly on its wings to the Joy Universe in the fifth dimension. Not some place sanctioned by the blessing of a deranged moralist or ethics freak. When i love, i want to break the boundaries of love, to create new horizons for love, and to crush anybody who dares to hold me back.

Oh, and mood swings can make my day. To travel between the extremes is truly a rush. U should try it sometimes. Yes, i mean u. And u. And u too! But only if u r in a good mood.

The Next Step

I was shocked and devastated. Yes people, i entered the realm of despair, the moment i realized our tender and bittersweet love affair had disappeared in the dark abyss of oblivion b4 it could bloom into something really special, murdered, cremated, and disposed of, by a revengeful, ruthless, and merciless submissive wired Black Alpha Knight. He broke my heart, leaving me with unbearable pain. I felt so vulnerable then. So alone. So betrayed too!

I took me some time to digest all this, to recover a bit from this blow, to heal and to collect myself. But here i am, ready to analyze again, ready for the next step.

What? U don’t know of whom i’m talking about? Come on, r u kidding me? Don’t u keep track of what’s going on in important virtual soaps? U should u know. Otherwise u will be missing out tremendously. U mean u have better things to do? U sound like Saratoga! Yes, he’s the one.

Cariñosamente i call him Sara. He’s such a sweetheart u know. Always showing deep respect for us women, no matter how lousy we treat him, humiliate him, or laugh at him. But wait, that’s not completely true. He makes exceptions. Only women who support him, scratch his back in return, and assure him that he’s doing the right thing, can count on that. And they love him for it. They need his respect. Without it, they would feel lost, lonely, and far from being dominant. Even when he’s doubting his rotten attitude toward poor me, these dames pamper him by whispering into his eager ears, that he shouldn’t pay attention to me, that he should dump me, and that all is good and all is right. Can u imagine? And those should be my sister femdoms? Yeah right! There’s a difference u know, between women who find it utterly interesting to discuss anal training of their subbie hubby, his punishment and correction (i’ve heard corner time is a favorite in those circles) should he not properly have served his goddess, the sanitary problems that come with chastity belts, or the advantages of cuckolding, and women like me, who would rather become a vanilla nun than to get involved in boring stuff like that.

U know what’s also lacking in debates like that? It’s humor! These discussions and exchanges of thoughts r as dry as deserts during summer. No fun at all. Always so deeply serious. As if those topics really were important. Everything has to be logical too. And philosophical. And……….. oh geeeez. There is no humor whatsoever in vanilla femdom. These people don’t even grasp it when it’s present in other realms, i.e. feminine femdom. Take for instance my collages. People like Sara never would notice any humor in them. But rest assured, without humor, there can’t be any femdom. He and his Dommes (ugh) know that of cors, but will never admit same. They’d rather drown in platonic encounters while having tea in the library, than to take some risks and live without the crap that’s keeping them from having a truly passionate, humorous, and orgiastic d/s life.

Come to think of it, u know what’s really funny within this context? According to Sara i’m wacked out, lol. Now here’s a man, who wants to be pissed on by his Domme (bleh) or to drink her urine, to be treated like a pet, to grovel at a woman’s feet, to lick the dirt off her boots, or to have a dildo shoved up his ass, and he bluntly calls me wacked out? Roflmfao!

Here’s a funny vid. Purely for ur entertainment. But there is a deeper thought to it too (grin).

So what happened? Well let me tell u. After an icy period, Sara found the courage to publicly praise me. He always loved me secretly of cors, as i was the one femdom he really wanted to be enslaved by. All others were nice, supportive, willing to play with him, but there was always something missing. Yes u guessed it. He never felt like a slave with them. He didn’t even know how that would feel, hehe. That’s also the reason why he prefers to describe himself as a submissive wired male, not a slave. In contrast he also sees himself as an alpha male. As i explained many times b4, for a femdom like me, such a combination of personality traits is not a paradox at all. But Sara is struggling with this. That’s why he needs to debate and discuss d/s so much. That’s why he’s afraid of femdoms who want 24/7/365 unconditionally. For Sara an alpha male can’t fit into a femdom world like mine, while i only want relationships with alpha males, lol. Guess there must be all sorts of alpha males then. Like there all sorts of femdoms, hehehe.

Sara told me there was chemistry between the 2 of us. His words? But of cors. Here they r: “Chemistry, of a sort? Without a doubt!” and, “Ours would be chemistry born more of spice than sugar. Perhaps more affecting because of it.”

He also vowed he would never censor me. And what happened? That’s right. He censored me. Not cos he was afraid the Internet police would kick his ass should he have published my fine contribution to his blog, but cos, and i quote: “I wearied of being drawn into her vortex of negative energy and venom, so I just hit ‘reject’ without even reading it”. Believe me, i cried my heart out when reading his words. Goddammit, he didn’t even read my comment, and yet he decided to reject it as “pure negativity”. Such horror. Such prejudice. Such negativity! But alas, that’s how it is with submissive alpha males who say they want to be slave to a woman, but r too vanilla to ever become one. So what do they do? They go witch hunting. They go and find a scapegoat. They do all that which made the patriarch so despicable. And they feel great about it too. And when other self proclaimed Dommes (damn, i’ll never will get used to that stupid concept), scream hallelujah in their favor, these men r on top of the world. Yep, it may be nasty to some, but it has to be said, they get a kick out of moving from the bottom to the top. It’s then when they feel comfortable enough to crawl out into the open with advertisements like: “I’m open to ownership by a compatible dominant female”. It’s then when a Kittens Nest is created, in which vanilla femdoms and vanilla slaves can find, hug, and respect each other in eternal bliss.

Oh, u want to know what i wrote in that infamous and never published comment of mine? U can’t wait reading same u say? That’s what u came here for? Relax, i won’t deny u the pleasure. But i also will publish it here for my Sara, cos in his blind fear for getting exposed to all my divine nastiness, he never ever came to read it himself. Well, that’s what he said eh, and i wouldn’t want to call this fine gentleman a liar, now would i?

But first the preliminaries, so u can put everything in the right perspective and context eh? To begin with read “In Saratoga’s Footsteps”, a little down below, including the comments on same. After that? Continue reading here. It’s all unedited. Got that? Great.

Back? Ok, let’s go on with the show.

Ayesha:

U felt flattered by my blog? That’s really great Sara, as it was my intention to pay a little homage to the man who for years now is dedicating so much time to dominant females and their derivates. And not to forget the pleasure i get when occasionally i come over to read the deposits of the stirrings of ur soul. But only a little, as that blog was not about u. U came in when i was looking for a catching title for the thing. Then u popped up, et voilà, there it was. Superb and appropriate. I even could base my collage on it. Did u recognize urself in that picture? Did u like the scene? Would u like to happen something like that in ur life?

I’m criticizing? Really? Damn! Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa. But did u read my comment on ur comment in my blog? Or did u skip that one perhaps?

And hey! That bottle u stole from my place? Yes that’s right, the green one filled with acid. Don’t deny it. U uncorked it to get a taste. And u liked it too. Now bring it back the next time u visit! I mean, for ur own good, as u shouldn’t play around with stuff like that. It works like a bad drug on good people like urself, while it serves as an elixir of life for femdoms like me.

Juicy detail? After having received a delicious whipping, a drop or 2 on their opened skin does wonders to the healing of vanillas experimenting with d/s.

Sara:

No, I'm happy to inform you that I won't be wasting any more of my time on your post. So I didn't see your comment. The blog which was the subject of your post wasn't all that interesting, either, btw.

Simply reading your post and comments, and then writing mine, was as much negative energy as I care to accommodate.

I published your comment so other readers can see how wacked out and hopelessly spiteful, nasty and venomous you are.

As to the pictures, no, I really didn't bother to study them vis a vis the prose. Have better things to do with my time.

And now……drums rolling…….eyes rolling……….here’s the one y’all have been waiting for.

Ayesha:

"So I didn't see your comment."? That's odd. U ask me a question, and then u don't bother to come back to read my answer? I can't believe that.

".....wasn't all that interesting" Huh? But Sara, u also wrote in my blog: "As for the post, it's great! Thanks for the attribution. I couldn't have written the story any better than you. I loved your last comment to the woman whose identity we now know."

U know, i think u became just a little bit too irritated by that darn posting of mine, lost it for a moment, and, as a result of that, messed up our fragile chemistry. Damn, it's all Tamara's fault! Without her, i never would have written such awful stuff. But it’s my fault too. I should have known that vanilla women, stumbling around in an artificial d/s environment, need to show their paper tiger claws, once they r approached and feel threatened by an utterly empathic and good willing femdom like me. Conforming to patriarchal rule, they will defend their territory with a vengeance, losing all perspective of what really is going on. Yes, as a veteran in the field, i definitely should have known this. I should have hugged the poor girl instead, encouraged her to continue her journey to nowhere, and spoken some sweet and soft words to calm her down. But u know me eh? I couldn’t resist to tell her what was on my mind. But then again, what’s a provocative blizzard to a vanilla Domme in the making, is a soft tropical breeze to me.

Geeez, i really thought u would like that picture of me, following u in that sinister alley.

But i’m glad u could collect urself, and appreciate u published my comment. And u r right. It’s true. I can be very spiteful, nasty, and venomous. Wacked out at times as well. Still herds of people r longing for me. Makes me wonder. Could this have something to do with my observation that so many vanilla d/s aficionados want to be humiliated, degraded, dehumanized, treated like a dog or like filth, and live under the rule of a despotic woman?

For gezunterhait.

See what i mean? Sara has problems to make up his mind. Well…um….actually it’s more his status of seeing himself as a submissive alpha male which makes it problematic for him to admit he’s drawn to me. So instead, he’s swaying between extremes. Sometimes he’s smitten by my writings, other times he’s appalled by them. He’s like a politician, unable to live by his beliefs, and therefore constantly in need of getting support from others to make him believe he’s the righteous one nonetheless. I also could compare it with what shrinks call a manic-depressive disorder, or simply up and down phases.

These days Sara is in his down period, and doesn’t care at all how i must feel now he has so harshly abandoned me (sniff, sob).

Yes, yes, i know, i know. It’s great when people r interacting in harmony, with respect, empathy, and all that other pseudo-life-enriching stuff. In essence great concepts actually, and we should cherish them. However, they became totally eroded, worn out, inflated, and without any content left. They became like silly greeting rituals like, “How are you?”, while we don’t give a damn about the wellbeing of the person we asked that question. Things like that became routine and meaningless. Still many of us deny same, and keep on looking at them as if they were sacred tools, helping us to stay honorable and honest when interacting with others. But like i once wrote to a dear friend of mine:

“It may be nice, uplifting, reassuring, and enjoyable. But it will only bring u that, nothing more. Interacting with people who r challenging ur beliefs, convictions, paradigms, dreams, and proven facts, who r disagreeing with same, putting capital question marks where u thought u had answers, r the ones who indeed will make u feel miserable, lost, doubtful, and wishing u never had interacted with them. But they will make u see more clearly what u thought was already clear enough. They will bring light where u thought brightness was absolute king, and they will show u that there’s darkness where black is a laughable color. They will give u an opportunity, which ur lovable, ever supporting, encouraging, and hugable friends, will never be able to give u. The opportunity to feel the edge of life, the abyss of pain and sorrow, as well as the peak of ecstasy and unbearable joy. Then, the waters of ur river of life will be split open by the rocks it encounters, but grinding and polishing them at the same time. Ur life will be one of chaos and harmony simultaneously. A paradox for ur sweet friends. But not for u. U said u were on a journey? Then travel!”

Sara seems to like the ideas of Robert Nozick. And although some ideas of this great thinker r appealing to me, i can’t say i’m really a fan myself. But since Sara is a rather conservative person with a tendency to sometimes lean over toward libertarian ideas, i include here 2 quotes of the late philosopher related to the subject at hand:

“ I guess my tendency is to think essentially that the new wrinkles won't do the job if the old major idea didn't, and so you have to try something different. Then maybe they can all be combined in some coherent piece. “

“It is, from another angle, an attack on requiring proof in philosophy. And it's also the case, I guess, that my temperament is to like interesting, new, bold ideas, and to try and generate them.”

R u ready for ur next step now? U sure? Start walking!