Tuesday, June 28, 2011

A funny thing happened............ Part 2

B4 we move on, let’s reflect and rehearse a bit.

Observe the picture above. What do u see? What do u think? What do u think i think? What is this about? Is this a woman playing a role in some kind of B-movie? Is she a housewife gone wild? Maybe she’s an operative of the Tzahal or Aman? Simply a hit-woman fulfilling her contract? Is it Bauhinia Heroine, forcing someone to take her money? A sexy bank robber? The next Wonder Woman? A femdom aiming at a DSM?

Murmur from the crowd: "DSM? What the heck does that mean, Ayesha?” “Yeah, what are you talking about this time, you flaming daughter of a bitch eh?

Ayesha: "Don’t u know? Where have u been u ignorant moron? It stands for Devalued Submissive Male, a creature which is standing proudly in the limelight these days, soon to claim his rightful place at Madame Tussauds!"

Voice from the crowd: "Come on. We are sick and tired of this stupid rehearsal. Just tell us who she is, so we can move on, dammit!

Ayesha: "Yes, i know exactly who she is. But i won’t tell. Cos u know me eh? I’m not here to lecture u, or to bias ur interpretations and opinions with the truth."

Yes let’s move on indeed, and find out what’s so funny.

It all began when i visited Dev’s blog. Dev’s a woman after my own heart. Well, that’s what i thought when reading her blog on the supposedly devaluation of male submission. Sentences like, He challenges me to live up to the values we both espouse, and lets me know what his needs and wants are, can make me all fuzzy and warm. Not that they r exactly mirroring my ideas, but when i realized there was a woman in the virtual world who, like me, loves to be challenged by her slave(s), i simply had to comment:

Bravo! Ur blog is not related to vanilla femdom, but leans more to feminine femdom. As it should be :)


The topic seemed to be hot, cos in the following days/weeks it spilled over to several other blogs. In Dev’s blog these comments mostly turned out to belong to the “feeling sorry for oneself”, and of the “thank you, thank you, thank you” kind. Yes, i know, mea culpa, my interpretation. Anyway, it gave me reason to post this as well:

After having read all the comments on this blog so far, i find it amazing, if not disturbing, that i rarely hear the voices of those who, like me, r opposed to humiliation, degradation, and dehumanizing of males within the realm of femdom, on blogs where submissiveness is pictured as a weakness, as inferior, as……well, as something despicable and yet to thrive on. Why don’t u people open ur mouth there, and let these idiots and parasites know, that femdom is not simply a derivation of patriarchal vanilla sex, or the next porn outlet?

Come on, be brave, go out there, and share ur views in places where they’re not welcome, where it is not safe to do so, where they will eat u alive. Yeah right. Don’t be afraid of paper tigers. Tell them!


In comes Meitar.

Among other things, he’s an activist, scholar, lecturer, and speaker, calling himself a social justice technologist. I think he’s actually a nice guy. At least he seems to live up to his ideas in an area where most people would hide in their closet. His friends call him maymay, but since i’m not his friend, i can’t do that.

Meitar deemed it necessary to lecture me a bit, saying: Ayesha, you’re barking up the wrong tree for many, many reasons:……….

And then there was an extensive summary of my dog-like behavior. I tell u, not very flattering, but hey, i’m used to stuff like that.

In comes Dev, saying:
I actually regularly humiliate and dehumanize my submissive."

Geeeez, i had to get out of that place. These weren’t my people at all! Feminine femdom abhors humiliation, degradation, and dehumanization, in any form. I save those for dealing with obnoxious vanilla lowlifes, when it’s appropriate and done. But with my slaves? No way! Then i consider these things worse than the plague, contaminating, polluting, and poisoning the very beauty of my way of living, and preventing us for instance to gracefully entering the singularity.

Again i had been way to optimistic and naïve (sigh). So i sent this:

“Apparently i made a mistake. Ur femdom isn’t feminine femdom. No humiliation etc there.

As for this maymay person? I heard this kind of babbling many times b4. It’s vanilla to the bone. Good stuff for never ending conversations on the couch tho, while happily consuming cheese and wine, and enjoying the support of likeminded babblers.

So, excuse my intrusion, and never mind what i was trying to get across.”

But my ordeal wasn’t over yet. Not by a long shot. Even after i had left, i still had to endure the wrath of the righteous ones. Why was that? Cos all of it ended up in my mailbox. Yes, mea culpa again. Maybe i left it open on purpose? Did they know? Or did they not believe i had left, labeling me a liar, still being around? Maybe they didn’t care if i was there or not, and had to ventilate their anger, or whatever, no matter what? Why would people do stuff like that? Beats me. Well, not really. I know why. But u wouldn’t want to know. Or do u? Maybe u know already urself? Interpretations? Assumptions?

Meitar wrote among other things:

“Clearly, you do not know me. Listen closely because I’ll only say this once: we could be allies unless you turn me against you—and I would not hesitate to take either position, given a useful reason for one over the other.”

Oh my gawd, this was a direct threat! Why would he do that? After all, he also said somewhere in this thread: “I disagree with how they play, but I will defend to the death their right to play that way.” Does that not count for me? Am i not allowed to play that way, my way? Am i the outcast here? A damned Pariah? Am i the one who has to be punished and suffer for having sinned against the crowd, the principles of (neo)-bdsm, the holy grail of mainstream femdom, or against whatever could have hatched in the mind of my ireful Inquisitor? Must i be the scapegoat now? Am i predestined to become the lamb to be slaughtered? To save others from my evil? Am i the chosen one?

And even worse, imagine what could happen, should we meet in r/l, and should i not have behaved according to the commandments and wishes of the Activist. The very thought of that makes me shiver!


Or this?


He’s right tho. I don’t know him. And i have no intention to change this state of affairs. I knew enough. Why should i want to know more? I don’t want to be his friend, nor do i need him as an ally. I left, remember. Should speak for itself, no?

Of cors, he doesn’t know much of me either. Which makes me wonder. Here we have an intelligent man, with both his feet firmly on the ground, seasoned by many significant life experiences (yes, yes, i did read some of his many online presentations), by far not as naive as i am, and yet he threatens me, a person he has no clue of what she’s capable of or not. Well, he should know something eh? There r some clues no? Maybe he missed them? Or found them laughable and ridiculous? I never do that u know. I was trained to never underestimate anybody. Not even people i would consider a louse, a weasel, an idiot, physically handicapped, or a combat rookie. And certainly not one i didn’t know much about. Life showed me that i was taught well. And i never threaten a person either. I never go to an individual and tell him or her to shape up, shut up, do this, or don’t do that………or else. It’s wrong u know. And rude. And not wise. Never warn a person. It’s ineffective u know.

In rolls Tomio, steaming:

“With all due respect, STFU. You know nothing of my life, and therefore you have no ability, much less right, to describe how I should spend it.”


” …………..you have no right to make demands and paint everyone with a broad brush. Doing so will only alienate those who should have been your allies and it will not win over one “enemy.” Ever.”

See how that works? I mean interpreting words, sentences, entire pages?

Take for instance Tomio’s “STFU”. I’m sure some of u would assume it stands for “shut the fuck up”. Not very nice eh? And so rude too. But then again, there’s a polite explanation as well, i.e. “shut the freak up”. How about that eh? Much, much better. Then we have, “show them fury unleashed”. Is that what Tomio had in mind? I’m sure it was. Fits me better, don’t u think?

Unlike Meitar, Tomio denies me rights. Meitar would die for me, for me to keep my rights, while Tomio seems to be ready to kill me for that.

Tomio also assumes i’m looking for allies, and want to win over enemies, while i most certainly don’t.

After having cooled down a bit, Tomio’s volcano erupts again. And remember, i wasn’t even there. Funny, funny.

“But I do have to thank you for the laugh when you called maymay out as vanilla. That’s so ignorant that I may shoot milk out of my nose after the fact.”

An inner voice whispered to me: “Pssssst, Ayesha? Cuidao, Señora. Haven’t u noticed? There’s sarcasm in the air!” I couldn’t believe that. Not he, not my Tomio. Totally wrong interpretation of his words!

So Tomio was drinking milk? Or planning too? Maybe there was a lactating cow in his nose? I couldn’t possibly know, and i refuse to draw wild conclusions. What i do know tho, is that i never called Meitar (maymay for his friends) vanilla. I called his babbling vanilla. That’s different u know (well as i see it eh?), and i wouldn’t want to generalize.

He continued with an avalanche of assumptions and accusations.

“………people like you are just as stultifying and damaging to men’s psyches as anything tossed out by Kink, Inc. At least they know what they are and don’t pretend to be on the side of male submissives while knifing their spiritual back because they don’t measure up to a non-existent rating scale you have developed.”

Huh? Wtf? Sounds intriguing tho. I love knives. And i’m excellent indeed when it comes to damaging men’s psyches. U should see me playing chess with them (grin).

Oh, and he called me lazy! The nerve! I tell u, not many r as industrious as i am. Remember that old La Fontaine tale about the cricket and the ant? Yes Sir, i’m the ant, always taking care of business, Sir. But it’s true, when getting a chance, i just love to be a lazy bitch, goofing off the entire day, letting others do all the work, and still taking credit for it.

Sir Tomio also said he had evidence that my prime motivator was self-aggrandizement. I didn’t even know what that meant. I had to look it up. So now i know, and am able again to take part in sophisticated babblings, where difficult words r tossed around like dice on the crap(s) table, to confuse the participants. But then again, self-aggrandizement? That should be my prime motivator? Really? Nooooooo. Now where did that come from, hmm?

U know what also caught my eye? With all the need for, and display of, tolerance, the willingness to die for the rights of others, the warm thankfulness for finding oneself in the cradle of likeminded people, and the incredible blessing to finally be allowed to open up, it was totally funny to observe there also were a few signs of intolerance and even hate. Yes, that's right: Hate! Nah, not in relation to me (cors not!), not in Tomio’s anger, and certainly not coming from patronizing Meitar, but crawling up via the rest of the crowd. Which is remarkably funny indeed, cos nowadays, tolerance is shouted from almost every rooftop, and preached from every corner in Cyberspace, where the citizens of Kink Country r dwelling, gathering, and writing.

For instance, more than once there was a display of disdain and contempt for people who love to strut around in leather outfits and stuff like that. As usual not in a direct way, but i could feel it, smell it, even touch it. No, no, i’m not assuming now. This is not simply a bad interpretation either. And although some will say i have no right to say this, i know i’m right, right? It’s one of the reasons why i ceased to be an activist in the velvet underground. Too many people there with triple agendas. Too many liars telling the world about their honesty. Too many pseudo gurus and self proclaimed messiahs with a quest. Or should i follow up on Tomio, and say, non-existent quests? Too many world healers too, u know. I wrote about that a few blogs back.

Going back now to the devaluation of male submission, i did some research myself. There’s really something going on in that area, people. It’s no joke either. Look at what i found.

Poor men! All seems to be lost. But there’s a bright side u know. A silver lining indeed. It’s not about my men. It’s about all the other men. It’s about the ones feeling sorry for themselves, drowning in self-pity. It’s about the ones who blame me, and other women of my caliber, for their misery. In fact they’re blaming the entire world for their misfortune. It’s the common way to have a socially accepted excuse for staying inactive, having failed, and being grumpy.

Here’s my take on all this, as it was published b4 on another blog to which the issue meandered, picked up, and addressed.

"Are submissive men devalued? Certainly not by me. I simply love them, cherish them. I even put them on a pedestal. Or hang them from the ceiling. Or.......... Anyway i consider them GODS! Gods who do my bidding cos there's no other way for them, gods who challenge me, gods who manage to get the best and worst out of me, gods i just can’t stand sometimes. Of cors, i’m referring here to the ones who live up to my standards, and who don’t waste time by trying to find out what that is, d/s. They already know. They don’t need definitions, confirmations, or support. They don’t care if others accept them for what they r or not. They don’t need to find out if they’re right or wrong. Cos wrong and right, and everything in between, don’t belong to their world. They just go with what they r, how they feel, and what makes them horny. The rest of them, the victims of childhood, the victims of society, the victims of their libido, the not-understood, the whiners, the complainers, the teachers, the philosophers, the healers, and the blamers, devaluated or not , can take a hike, or go on doing whatever keeps them from being a slave.

Hmmmm, maybe i’ll incorporate this comment in my next funny blog :) "

And so i did. Amen.


What? U want to read all on Dev’s blog? To see if i quoted honestly perhaps? Or simply cos u want to taste the full flavor of what went on there? OK. Here u go! Enjoy!


But b4 u go, watch the video. It’s a great clip. Well, for me eh. Maybe u will say it’s junk. Funny thing is tho, it will give u an idea of the kind of people i descend from, as well as the kind i like to associate with.



  1. Hmmm sorry it got so ugly so quickly.

    As a switch, I see a lot of merit in what you say... symmetry in equality, respect, trust seems a given for someone who switches. Any sub to me is a goddess in the making, one who should only be elevated by our relationship with her own goals more fully realized/actualized, in addition to mine. I would want nothing less as a sub to deserving Domme.

    For perhaps a more centered discussion on the issue you raised, you might try this one: http://dishevelleddomina.wordpress.com/2011/06/28/its-not-you-its-me/ I chimed in here a bit.

    And damn that guy in the video looks just like me! :D

    L'chaim, to life,


  2. @ DC: I read that one shortly after it was published.

    U know?
    - Sometimes i wonder if these endless discussions about what is what, the never ending debates about what's right and wrong, r not indicating how uncertain and confused people r about their own (sexual) identity, their struggle with same, and their need to find people who share this with them, who support them, so all can feel safe and sane again.

    - Sometimes i wonder if the bdsm, d/s, and femdom lecturers, gurus, activists, teachers, and other messiahs, not simply r driven by guilt, shame, and an unbearable feeling of not having lived up to the core of their being, instead of that deep seated desire to change things, and to fight for the sexual freedom of others, things they so dearly want their audiences to believe r the true motivators behind their behavior.

    - Sometimes i wonder if people r not so terrified by their own (sexual) makeup, that they will do anything to avoid practicing/enjoying same, and rather go with a surrogate, finding rescue in debating and discussing exactly that which doesn’t need all that.

    - Sometimes i wonder if all these opponents of 24/7/365 r not simply vanillas who can’t stand to be vanilla.

  3. I have to say that I pretty much share your views on humiliation (I like that my man is worthy of me) and I quite enjoyed the mental image of having my man up on a pedestal or a hook from the ceiling, or at least the wall.
    I actually had my man install some bolts in our bedroom so I can do just that! But I digress,
    I wanted to also say that I really did enjoy Dev's post and I do share some of her views as well.
    I also think if Dev and her man want to do things differently, regarding humiliation play or anything else, that is ok too.
    I know to some people my choices seem very kinky and to others my choices seem very vanilla, and that is ok with me. I don't need any stamp of approval to be free to play and live the way that suits me and my partner.
    I believe the important thing is for people to find ways to live and love and be who they are. If my way is different from someone else's, I am fine with that.
    My discussion in that post DC mentioned was not about right or wrong, it was about what works for me and what I don't want. I tried to be very clear that it was NOT a statement about what anyone else "ought to do."

    For example, you like latex and leather? Good for you! My lack of personal enthusiasm for wearing those materials is in no way a disapproval of your preference for them.
    If you were only wearing them because someone else wanted you to do so then I would tell you to feel free to say no, but that is not your case, YOU want to wear them, so more power to ya!
    I wear leather when I ride my motorcycle but that is about it. I don't insist that women shouldn't, I just want it understood that I don't have to, and I don't think it is the only legit way for a dominant woman to dress.

    I have decided to blog about what works for me because I will not be told how I ought to be doing my sex life (as long as it works for those of us actually involved), not from the vanillas and not from the kinks.
    With the post DC mentioned I wanted to say, "I consider myself a dominant woman and I don't feel I have to be in charge of my whole relationship all the time to claim that."

    Was I trying to find people who agree with me? Well, I like to be agreed with as much as the next person but more than that I want to be one of the voices encouraging people to do what works for them without feeling pressure from... anyone!

  4. "......to live and love and be who they are." Exactly! And that's where so many fail.

    "......without feeling pressure from... anyone!" Exactly! And that's where so many fail.

  5. Ayesha, sorry to hear people were getting all nasty and ugly. I appreciate my sub. Sometimes I think he wants me to do stuff way more hard-line than I'm ready for, and sometimes I take things too far. It's one of those delicate balancing acts, I reckon. And hey, thanks for the rockin' vid and HILARIOUS gifs! The pool one. . . LMFAO! And I've done it soooooooooooo many times! Anyway--thanks ever so for the good read.

  6. Jumping in on what DC brought up--YES! Maybe we SHOULD all just let each other live, and stop with all the analysis/self-analysis/labeling/I'm-this-you're-that/why-can't-we-all/blah-blah-blah. Because at the end of it, how AYESHA (and DD and anyone else, for that matter) chooses to LIVE HER LIFE is ultimately THEIR CHOICE, THEIR DECISION, and THEIR BUSINESS. Is Ayesha's feminine femdom different from my D/s? Maybe. Do we disagree sometimes on stuff? Sure. Is this bad? No. Can we still not get along? Seems like we get along ok to me. Would I DARE judge someone based on how they choose to live? Hell, no! That's not my business! Anyways. . . don't let 'em getcha down.

  7. I know what u mean DB, but there r people on this planet i simply don't want to get along with. And there r also people i despise, hate, judge, and will destroy on sight.

    But then there r the ones i hold close to my heart, my body and soul. The ones i love, salute, cherish, respect, desire to become one with, and who give meaning to what is called loyalty.

    Guess it comes with having chosen for living my life on the edge. I want it to be intense. When i hate, i hate. When i love, i love.