To close my Yahoo chapter, here r my last three contributions coming from an era that had its good moments but was murdered in the name of progress. It’s close to a year now that Pulse was lost, and even longer that her sister Yahoo360 was cremated.
Here goes.
And then there was………hypnosis
Yeah, hypnosis came a long way since the times of Mesmer, Braid and Freud. Hmmmmm, as a matter of fact, it made some serious detours too, meandering occasionally through dirty sewers and sleazy alleys, where it was raped, corrupted, and destroyed to no end. No matter the work of Erikson, Kirsch, Hilgard, and others, nowadays almost nothing of its mysterious beauty is left. Sure there r still some dedicated practitioners, and a few driven scientists, but mostly it’s owned now by charlatans, no good gurus, and snobbish self proclaimed dominants who r predating on the frustration of non-daring thrill seekers, selling their crap to moron audiences. “Yes sir, we had a ball. He let that ass walk like a chicken. Yes ma’am, we had a lot of fun. He made that idiot bark like a dog”. And…….to stay a bit closer to home: “Yes Mistress, I’ll be ur money-slave forever”, and more crap like that.
Here in our wondrous virtual world many people claim to be interested in hypnosis. Yeah right. Lmao. Such a bunch of liars. What they’re interested in is either to use the concept as some socially accepted means to con others or to escape from their dull, boring, and frightening daily life, to become a tranced (male) slut to a creature who can only pretend to be a hypno-dominant online, eager to display his or her (?) non-existing powers in a rather fascistic manner. In other words, the weak r meeting the cowards, and the cowards r meeting the weak, playing an illusionary game of d/s, without any commitment or consequence. Of cors all this is fun, fun, fun. And don’t u dare to doubt their honesty, in-depth knowledge, and superb hypnosis skills, as this will offend them disproportionally, if not making them run to the next psychiatric ward for an extra dose of Xanax.
I’m beginning to believe, that whatever great things humans will create, develop, invent, or discover, the majority will always succeed to bring it down, to slaughter it, and make a caricature of it.
Huh? “I’m beginning to believe……..”? Hahaha, that’s a good one, lol. Behold tho, that one has changed. I’m a true believer now! Cross my heart.
Another World
At the time, Rita blogged about Self, metanoia, education, and pedagogy. I found the topic worthy to reach a larger audience. So instead of commenting on her site, i did it on mine, for all to see. Here it is again.
In my life i learned this: When the parent or teacher has a rotten personality, and thus is only a clone of what is cultural prescribed to her/him, the kid is better off without them!
In my life i observed this: As long as a child is punished, belittled, and laughed at for its own dreams, thoughts, and actions, it will grow up a clone of its society. In my life i do this: I support youngsters to follow their instincts, dreams, and passions, without questioning them, without asking them for their reasons and motives, without making them answering to me, and without sanctioning them for any behavior. As a result of that, they r asking me questions instead, about my life, about what makes me tick, about my passions, sorrow, and thoughts, about what i think about their passions, sorrow, and thoughts, and about our interactions. Manipulation, coercion, dishonesty, righteousness, morals, and protocols, have no place in these encounters. It’s simply a meeting of genuine people, trying to understand each other, to be there for each other, and to enjoy each other, laughing, teasing, and showing true feelings about anything.
No leader, no repentance, no correction, no psychotic break down, and no deity, can ever guide people to change the paradigms of their life or to get rid of their vanilla bondage, cos as soon as there is a guide, there’s dependency, and the possibility to escape genuine responsibility.
And now for something completely different. Or is it? What do u think? Is it out of range? Does it not belong here? Or does it? U should know u know. Or don't u, hehehe?
The 2 of us
When i'm with u, we'll have raw and wild sex. We will bite and scratch each other, draw blood, and drink from each other. There will be the smell of sweaty leather, of perspiring bodies, and of dripping abysses. There will be exquisite pain, arousal, and lust. It will be an orgiastic encounter, independent of any cultural influence, and averse to any protocol or pre-arranged scenarios. Just an explosion of passion, greed, possessive power, submission, and original sexual creativity! That’s my style, my way of having it my way. The only way. Does this excite u too? Would u love to submerse in this as well? Could this be more to u than a fantasy? R u ready for this sexual singularity?
Of cors, when things come to a rest a bit later, we could have a long walk, holding hands along the way, having a succulent breakfast or romantic dinner together, and then............start all over again.
Oh, here's a rather tame example. But if u know her, u will agree with me, she's good. Very good i must say. And passionate. And cruel. She knows her whips. She knows how to torture. Not one of the mommy-domme clan. Oh no :)
"There's something radiating from a domina or a slave. When they meet, it makes them understand each other just by their body language. I often compare the two with a hyperbola, of which the two parts r completely separate, close or far away from the other, and still belong to the same entity."
The above was part of a discussion i had a few years ago with a man from Denmark. One of the better ones i must say, and not one of those who talk a lot online, but never would dare to follow up on their sexual impulses in r/l.
The hyperbola is one way to describe a femdom relationship. Another analogy can be found in quantum mechanics, called entanglement. It’s a beautiful concept, and although it took a long time to scientifically prove its existence, there’s no doubt anymore, it’s truly a part of our world. And coincidence or not, it was in Copenhagen that the pioneers of quantum physics (Heisenberg, Bohr) were working on its interpretation.
In the femdom world entanglement simply means that from the moment a slave interacts with a domina, the bond is there forever, and in such a way that even when they r far apart, any change in one of the partners will have consequences for the other one. That’s why, even when i have dismissed a slave, he/she will never be free from me, my thoughts, my actions, and my will. And to a certain extent, vice versa. But only if she/he is indeed a slave, and not a caricature of same. Of cors it goes without saying that most i sent away belong to the latter.
Mind u tho, contrary to us, in the vanilla world a sexual relationship defined by entanglement is seen as highly objectionable, and can only be damaging to the happiness of a couple (grin).
Both analogies r congruent with what i wrote elsewhere: “In fact, a slave is the mirror of a femdom. Just as mean, cruel, driven, egoistic, sexy, seductive, hungry, elegant, stubborn, moody, beautiful, passionate, unfair, erratic, powerful, humorous, revengeful, poisonous, lovable, and always on the road to go beyond the next horizon. The difference is, they operate from a different dimension.”
The Man from Denmark had a question. Well…..um….. a few of them.
If the slave is a mirror of the femdom - and I know you are right, egoistic, elegant, sexy.......etc. etc. etc, what keeps the two together in the hyperbola? The gravity force is clearly seduction, but that is just the mechanics. What is the drive that keeps the hyperboles in place, keeping both of them never to consider anything but themselves and yet keep getting attracted to the other?
Could it be loyalty? Both must carry the ability to "love intensely but rarely?" - It must be so - Loyalty, l am of course thinking about loyalty in spirit and not in flesh, is the only way a relationship can be established and keep the two together........ It would seem a contradiction that two selfish people can be loyal to each other. But, hopefully not (yes, I know your concept of hope... ;-)....... such a loyalty must definitely be a rarity!!! So yes – true feminine femdom is rare. Just consider, if some women have the ability, then even fewer men carry the trade to "love intensely but rarely". So maybe men of the right mold are the limit for feminine femdom, and not the women.
Do you agree – loyalty is essential?
Now isn’t that a handful of assumptions, or what? “Love intensely but rarely?” Yeah right! “The gravity force is clearly seduction”? Mmmmm, maybe partly. “That two selfish people…..” Selfish? Come on. Seriously? How so?
Anyway, the main thing was loyalty, to which i wrote:
Loyalty? Nice that. Especially when in need to fight vanillas. Can even strengthen the bond, giving warm feelings and joy. But essential? Nah, not really. What keeps them together is simply the will of the domina, her passion to own the powerful ones, her desire to keep a slave or not. It is a mistake, to think that vanilla values could be of major importance in the world of ffd. Like i said many times b4, a slave has no voice here, no vote, and no rights. But………he/she is free, and encouraged, to seduce me to change my mind, and to behave differently, lol.
The Man from Denmark:
I don't understand what loyalty has to do with vanilla??? Loyalty is in my book one of the true values in life. If you think about loyalty in the sense of a connection bond between two people - an unspoken force but which both understand is essential - what else would make you keep a slave? What else would drive the slave to throw him/herself at your feet over and over again? Of cause there is greed and seduction, but as you pointed out the forces in the hyperbola are strong and can easily diverge...... If there were no loyalty how could there be "intense but rare love"?
Oh my, this man was still struggling with his “intense but rare love”. Rather incoherently too. And then this “throw him/herself at your feet” thingy? Vanilla, vanilla, vanilla!
And i explained to him:
As a business women, one day, someone handed to me a few books authored by Fred Reicheld, a man known for his writings on loyalty. Some even call him the Guru of Loyalty. Loyalty is for him, “the willingness to make an investment or personal sacrifice to strengthen a relationship.” Now how vanilla is that eh? Quite useful tho. It really helped me a lot to brainwash, indoctrinate, and manipulate employees, CEO’s, and business partners. I found it even useful when it came to binding rich clients to me. I mean of cors, in a more vanilla way (grin).
This was just an example. There r zillions of people, who made it their quest, to explain to us what loyalty was, is, should be, has to be, will be, etc. Like with so many intangible concepts, it’s completely eroded nowadays, as everybody, including u, has his/her own opinion, definition, and/or version. What’s written in ur book, may be blasphemy in someone else’s scripture, etc. Isn’t that the vanilla way to do things?
Lao Tse once wrote:
"When people lost sight of the way to live Came codes of love and honesty, Learning came, charity came, Hypocrisy took charge; When differences weakened family ties Came benevolent fathers and dutiful sons; And when lands were disrupted and misgoverned Came ministers commended as loyal.”
Now THAT’s what i can relate to. His words come close to my own knowledge, ideas, and feelings regarding this concept. So no loyalty crap in my house! I only keep/allow a slave around me, as long as he/she is turning me on, is enriching my life, is keeping me on my toes (yeah yeah, even when not parading in 6” heels), is fun to be with, and has a body to die for. But never cos i have some kind of obligation to him/her, or whatever. Doesn’t mean i couldn’t be there for him/her when needed, but loyalty would never be the driving force for that. When it comes right down to it, loyalty is crippling passion between people, like any artificial tool, which was created to replace the unique, intimate, and unspoken force (ur words lol) between two humans. It’s just another example of vanillas having the need to always have something outside themselves to cling to, and to rule/govern their life.
".....what else would drive the slave to throw him/herself at your feet over and over again?" Well, well, well, lmao! Would.....not being able to leave me without my consent, not having another choice, unable to imagine any other owner, and a quenchless thirst for more of my delicious cruelty and poisonous love, being acceptable reasons for u?
Due to lessons, taught by false prophets, politicians, pastors, and pathological shrinks, it became very common in the vanilla world, in order to avoid guilt and shame, to sublimate, and even replace, primal lust, basic emotions, and the longing for raw sex, by so called higher drives like loyalty. But not here, not in That Place, and not in the Labyrinth. Here we acknowledge and cherish the powers coming from our limbic system, as we recognize and celebrate those coming from our neo-cortex as well. Here these powers r not opposites, or in contradiction with each other. They r essential ingredients, making our hyperbola even more exciting than she already was in her rudimentary form.
Add to this now the idea of entanglement, and we will soon be crossing yet another horizon in the world of feminine femdom, leaving loyalty and his vanilla brethren far behind in the kindergarten of sex.
When i came into the room, all were there, waiting for me to arrive. A complete chaos it was. And yet, organized and highly finished. I could feel their anticipation. “What will she do now?” hang in the air. Same as every year. Sadness looked excited, expecting much. Melancholy was arguing with longing and desire about something only they could understand and make sense of. Memory, yearning, and fate were still struggling with the past. Foreigners wanted to put in a word as well, so ערגה hugged weltschmerz, and was holding hands with νοσταλγία and weemoed. Yes people, it was the usual thing all over again. No dia 30 de janeiro é comemorado o dia da saudade. Oh u don’t speak Portuguese? Maybe Dutch? No? Greek or Hebrew perhaps? Also not? Huh? No German either? Caramba, what languages DO u speak? Anyway, in short English: Today is the day of saudade. And the good thing is, saudade can’t be translated. One can only feel it. And if u don’t? Well no saudade for u then. No worries tho, as u know what they say sometimes: chega de saudade. Besides, most people won’t have the stomach for it anyway, and rather stay at the surface of their emotional life, cherishing a “don’t worry, be happy” lifestyle, going for the lowest EQ possible, and suppressing, hidden somewhere deep down in their fragile system, the knowledge that their inevitable depression will arrive sooner or later no matter what.
Mostly i don’t care much about so called “special” days. Mother’s Day? Psaw! Such nonsense. Too many creepy moms in this world to celebrate that day. Christmas, Easter, or birthdays? Nah, not for me. Cliché, cliché, cliché. Valentine’s Day? Brrrrrr! Worst of them all! And Femdom Day (ah u didn’t know that eh, but yeah that’s right, july 24 coming, lol) only makes me laugh. Silly, silly, silly. Still, there r a few i observe. For instance, Yom Kippur. And so it is with the Day of Saudade. I love saudade. Reason why i called my blog “Ayesha’s Saudade”.
It’s the day i really let myself go. It’s the day i want to feel and remember how it once was with Shirah, my time in Colombia with those extraordinary men, the days in solitude and agony in Syria, my intense and lost love affair with the father of my child, the numerous relationships that came after him, as well as all the things that never happened, and never will, like for instance my meeting with Elizabeth in Jerusalem, ergo the future that will never come. It’s a moody day. A day of ups and downs. A day of sinking deep into a diversity of abysses, of climbing peaks that reach above the stars, of dwelling in depressions not known to me b4 and enjoying them to the fullest. It’s a day of music, tears, laughter, of lingering with emotions, of exchanging thoughts of suffering, pain, and unbearable sadness with Anita who went through some terrible episodes in her younger years, and recovering from that in each other’s arms. I love all that. There is nothing better than to go deep, very deep, to challenge my saudade, to embrace it, to let it overwhelm me, and dominate it at the same time. It’s the day of pure catharsis, strength, and vulnerability. It’s the day when i want to amplify any feeling, any mood, any emotion, to its extremes, to know my naked reality without any bias, without any possibility of escape. It’s a day of compressed and intense living in a short period of time. I long for saudade, to drown in it, conquer it, to possess it like a slave, and free it from its chains.
After a day like that, i feel refreshed, energized, and even more connected with my people than i was already the day b4. As a matter of fact i’m not really waiting to do all this on the official day of saudade, but take the day off for it whenever i feel like it. There r no bad moods remember?
That i’m not a fan of punishing, humiliating and degrading people when it comes to d/s in general and femdom in particular is all over this blog as well as in my comments elsewhere. I essentially differ in that from the majority of women who consider themselves dominant, as well as from many males and females calling themselves subs or slaves, telling the world they r practicing same and believe this stuff is inherent to what they call the “lifestyle” or “the scene”. I find activities like that disgusting, ridiculous, and making femdom only an extension of a society based on patriarchal principles, norms, values, and religious dogmas.
The daily dose of twaddle in blogs, forums, and groups about all those important household chores, like doing dishes and laundry, as a token of how dedicated one is to one’s wife, how grateful one is to be living under her rule, and getting corner time, having to write lines, or receiving a hairbrush spanking, when having failed to do same according to her strict instructions, or Lilith forbid having violated some other holy set of FLR rules or protocols, convinced me that these practitioners never mentally left their childhood status, and r trying to re-enact the relationship they once had with their mother, teachers in kindergarten, elementary or Sunday school. Reward, punishment, sin, repentance, worship, guilt, and absolution, r key concepts here. Freud and his followers would have claimed that these people would be happiest if they only could return to the womb. He also would have argued that some males feel so guilty for having a penis, that they want the thing to be locked up by their spouse, fantasizing she would have the guts to throw the key away. Not having orgasms seems to be trendy in those environments. Of cors there r also other reasons why men r into chastity. For instance, to sublimate impotence. Frigid women cheer guys like that, relieved as they r from performing themselves.
Often i see these so called slaves and subs as panting dogs, trying to please their master in an attempt to receive some praise in return for a job well done. No wonder that in these circles pet play is in. Lying breathless and leashed at her feet, licking same with unstoppable enthusiasm, is a common fantasy as well.
To dissociate myself from all this, i’ve called mine, feminine femdom, and the one that sprouted from patriarchal philosophy and male fantasy, vanilla femdom. Women who r lured into the latter, or enter this realm voluntarily, i baptized mommy-dommes. Of cors this brought me an avalanche of criticism, hate, bans from forums, resistance, accusations, lots of name calling and foul language from people claiming it is their sacred right to trespass into territories which r not theirs (and never will be theirs), and to take over which can’t be taken over. After years of having observed this banality, in a way i’m still flabbergasted with their resistance to give their fantasies and actions a different label. But no, they keep on insisting that what they’re doing has everything to do with female domination and slavery. Most if not all subscribe to something called the loving female authority. Of cors the loving one is severely punishing her loved one when needed. Sounds familiar eh? Yeah, that's right, it’s similar to a religion where the good Lord is loving each and everyone…………….. as long as u do as he says. And if not? Well then u r in for a treat. Then thou shalt be punished and be brought down to hell. No wonder so many women in “the scene” expect their humble servants to address them with Goddess. And remember, no hanky panky at the side eh? It’s all monogamous. Exactly as their heavenly father ordered them to be and to stay like that forever and ever.
So, i will keep correcting them whenever i’m in the mood to do so. Not as a quest or a mission, but simply to keep them awake and to remind them not forget what their true colors actually r. Naturally this is just one example of me taking corrective measures, and a minor one at that. I only brought it up, to give some perspective to the rest of this blog, and to make sure that all of u understand, that when i punish, humiliate, or degrade people, it will never have anything to do with feminine femdom.
Basically there r two situations in which i take corrective measures: 1. Seeking justice and revenge 2. Educating non-slaves
Seeking justice and revenge.
It’s no secret: I don’t trust any legal system. Ad nauseam people have tried to convince me that laws r there to serve us, to protect us, to give us justice when we were done wrong, and to save us from potential scams, crimes, and other lowlife activities. I wanted to believe them, as i too think that in principle laws could be all that. I even would add that laws could keep some of us from being tempted to do the wrong thing. But, like it is with so many good things, people r messing around with them, making them just another tool, to mislead, corrupt and abuse. Lawsuits became a game, where judges, prosecutors and lawyers r seeking fame, finding (or creating) loopholes, and r trying to interpret the law to their advantage, with little attention to do the right thing. It became a circus, and i’m done with that. The only time i’m willing to go to court is when it concerns minor stuff like winning an administrative disagreement or a money conflict linked to one of my companies. In those cases i rarely give acte de présence myself, leaving it to a team of hotshot vanilla bureaucrats to represent me, and to fight over the banality. I’m not seeking justice then. Nor revenge. The outcome is not really important to me. I just want to win. Which i mostly do. And if i lose? So be it.
How different this is when it’s getting personal, when one of my intimi or moi is harassed, threatened, or hurt. Then i won’t go with, nor would i rely upon, the law, the police, the judges, the prosecutors and the lawyers. Then a lot of what i wrote a few blogs back comes into session. Then i take things into my own hands. Then justice will be done. My justice. My revenge. At times this also comes into picture when i’m confronted with a horrible event outside of my inner circle, in the streets, a bar, a disco, a subway, etc.
Let me tell u a few short stories, for u to get the feel of what i mean.
1. After having participated in a conference at the Universidad Rafael Urdaneta, Alejandra and i went for a stroll in Parque La Marina. I noticed a group of men looking at us. Nothing unusual so far. Punks do that all the time. But they split up, with three of them following us, while the rest faked to have other interests, proceeding to walk in the same direction never the less. Then i knew, all of them belonged to what i would call scum of the Earth. Once in the park, two of them tried to hook up with us by making the usual stupid remarks about how pretty we were, and that the four of us could have such a marvelous time together if we would allow them to take us out, and more of that nonsense. Naturally it was only an attempt to get us off guard, to not pay attention to the third one who kept silent, staying a little behind, and the ones who tried to make us believe they already forgot about us all together. We tried to stay polite, and made it very clear to them we were not interested in their advances or company. Gradually the situation became tense, and more and more dangerous. It was that time when most people would try to get out of the situation, run, call for help, the police, or something. But we r not like most people. We, and especially i, come from a past where we were taught to take care of ourselves, and not wait for help, which btw mostly never comes, or way too late. Suddenly, but not to our surprise, the so called disinterested group appeared in front of us. We were surrounded. We acted fast, and mercilessly. In the end the one that had stayed behind, was left with a broken wrist and a bullet, coming from his own weapon, in his shoulder, while Don Juan and his amigo were confronted with several broken ribs, crushed testicles, and rather severe head injury. Once they saw what was happening to their friends, and their decaying brain matter had convinced them of the reality that we were not the easy prey they had thought, the rest of the gang wisely took to their heels, and left us in peace. B4 we went on our way, we called an ambulance to get the wounded idiots to an ER, then continued our stroll, and ended up making love to each other.
2. I love to dance. Especially on the floors of sleazy bars and discos in the more rough neighborhoods of metropolitan areas like NYC, LA, Buenos Aires, Rio, Johannesburg, Amsterdam, and Tel Aviv. I find it awesome to completely letting myself go in places like that, where nobody cares who and what u r, as long as u can dance, drink, and be wild. It’s there where i get the most out of making men and women crazy about me, and to want me to such an extent, that they would not hesitate to kill for having raw sex with me. It turns me on tremendously when they actually start fighting over me. If u would see me then, all sweaty and horny in my black and shiny latex mini-dress and heels, dancing provocatively and shamelessly making eyes at u, u also would join my cattle, unable to resist making a pass at me. And sure enough there would be plenty of others trying to prevent u from succeeding. It’s MyEgo showing herself in a vanilla environment, looking for trouble and sex. So far so good. Everything still cool and dandy. I went to the ladies room during such a dissipation in Rio, and found a girl on the floor, bleeding. It turned out she was raped. Probably by more than one person. I had never met her, but couldn’t stop thinking of how she must have felt during the attack(s), the pain, the agony, the helplessness, and now the horrible aftermath of same, the physical and mental damage, the inevitable interrogations, the eyes of her friends, the gossip, and the uncertainty if she ever would find justice. So i gathered with a few friends, and set out to find the lowlifes who had done this to her. It’s then when having a lot of money comes in handy. We found a few rats soon. From there on it was an easy task to locate the culprits. I’ll spare u the graphical details of what we did to them. Suffice to say that justice was done. Real justice. Swiftly and cruelly. 3. Once, during a mission in the ME, i was captured by the enemy, and thrown into a filthy room for interrogation. For several days i had to endure intense vanilla cruelty from a couple of men who hated me for what i was and represented. I could barely manage the pain during the torture sessions they conducted on me. But i was trained for this, and the people who selected me for the jobs i had applied for voluntarily, had assessed me well. They knew i would rather die, than to give away any information. They knew i would want to dominate any situation, to stay on top of it, in absolute control, to drive my opponents into insanity by my behavior, to never give in, and to make them feel inferior to me, no matter what. Still, after a couple of days, deprived from food, drink, sleep, and having been tortured and raped several times, i felt lost, abandoned, and without any belief of a rescue. What kept me going was to fuel my intense hate for the people who were doing this to me to the extremes, by making up scenarios in my mind of how i would take terrible revenge on them should i ever get back my freedom. At the same time reality had made it very clear to me that i had to prepare myself for execution.
And then it happened. There was a noise. In came my people. Hardened men, brazen, and determined to get me out of there. Like thieves in the night they stole me from our enemy, and carried me away from my hell hole. Wounded and weakened, but not broken. I was saved.
On our way home, still in enemy territory, they came after us. We ambushed them. It was then i took my revenge for real. The simple sight of my torturers gave me back my strength. My comrades knew what i was capable of, but still were amazed and terrified when they saw my rage and fury and the final result of same.
There’s more. For instance when i corrected a couple of kkk members who deemed it necessary to exercise their right of free speech, or when i revenged Shirah’s death, and the time i went after a group of neo-nazis who firebombed a synagogue in Paris. But i prefer not to go on, and think u got my drift by now.
I hate violence! Still i’ve used it many times, and, although reluctant, very willing to use it again. It is the only language understood by scumbags, fascists, criminals, racists, their brethren and followers. It’s the best way for having a fruitful conversation with them, to solve a problem, to teach them respect, to instill fear, and to make them rethink their actions in the future. No bureaucratic process, diplomacy, jail time, rehabilitation center, or political negotiation, can match direct and merciless action against creeps like that. Not that violence ever gave me joy or satisfaction. Sure there was that rush of the moment. That feeling of doing the right thing, to enforce justice or taking revenge for me or someone else. The aftermath always brought me sadness tho, staying with me for a long time. Still there was never regret either.
Educating non-slaves
Back in 2009 i wrote : “I met plenty males who wanted to grovel for me, to lick the dirt off my boots, to be pissed in their mouth by me, to be whipped by me, to be humiliated by me, me a woman, one belonging to the weaker sex. And i tell u, i kicked, pissed, whipped, spat, whacked, tortured, and humiliated these males to exhaustion. And they loved it. The time came however, i discovered that in fact i was used by them. Like all other women, i went into their trap, having the illusion that i was their mistress, ruling them, while in fact i was acting according to their rules, by pleasing them, by humiliating them, by beating them to pulp etc. And i went into it eagerly, cos i really wanted to be a domina.” And i continued with: “All this has changed now, as can easily be deducted from my other blogs.”
Then came the years i developed the concept of feminine femdom, completely averse to patriarchal culture, norms, values, concepts, and fantasies, but entirely congruent with my desire to be the only one who decides what is done and not done. At any cost, and any consequence. And that’s how i live now for a number of years already.
Strange things can happen tho. Since some time, i found myself more and more attracted to crack down on those bragging wannabe slaves, those silly FLR types, and especially those quasi sophisticated and academic types, who seem to have a need to constantly inform us about their pedestrian femdom insights, patriarchal d/s fantasies, and boring daily FLR adventures. Oh, and not to forget those revolutionary activists, those self proclaimed leaders and scholars of the kinky world, who made it their mission to enlighten the rest of the rookies, to fight for their rights, to converse on higher levels with more developed/graduated non-slaves and mommy-dommes, and to convince their audiences that anything goes as long as it’s consensual and against the old establishment. I can’t stand them, cos when the heat is really on, when it gets dangerous, they easily back off, and want, even claim, the protection of the same people and systems they only felt contempt for and “fought” against, the time they felt safe to do so.
And no, i don’t mean in the usual way, the vanilla femdom way. I’m talking here to really go out into their world, really granting them their wishes, really fulfilling their desires and fantasies. But not like i did as described in my quote above, but with a deliciously sardonic twist. What does that mean? It means i take them on a tour, way beyond their boldest expectations. Lemme explain.
After having hooked up with my next victim (a.k.a. submissive alpha male), for instance in a fetish/sm club, and discussed with him the terms of our engagement (ssc eh?) at length, he feels at ease and comfortable, fully trusting me, and anticipating the time of his life. Then i take him to my place. No, no, no, not to the Labyrinth, and certainly not to That Place, but to a location some would call the dungeon of love, cruelty and despair. In that order, hehehe. Once there, everything changes. No more ssc crap. None of it! His desires and fantasies? Yeah right. Maybe in the beginning he still believes i will follow up on our agreement. Gradually his anticipation and trust will evaporate tho, making place for fear, agony, and an uncontrollable drive to get out, to escape from me, to go home to his loving female authority, far away from this awful domina he initially was dreaming of, but who managed to turn his dreams into a horrible nightmare.
To really degrade, humiliate, and dehumanize types like that the MyEgo way, and certainly not their way, excites me these days beyond my own belief. MyEgo way of degrading, humiliating, and dehumanizing a man is not play! I’m truly going for it, putting the pressure on him, making him feel a zero, a toy, a piece of shit, for him to realize that he’s not the slave he thought he was (and never will be), now that he finally met with a woman who doesn't play the game his way, a woman teaching him what it really means to beg, to beg without any result, any relief, to experience timeless torture, and true indifference regarding his desires, wishes, and fantasies. An arrogant and haughty woman, who openly and shamelessly makes him aware of the fact that she is in it for herself only, who is using him for her own satisfaction, mocking him for his lousy performance, his inadequacy to hold an erection under her severe whippings, laughing at his whimpering and tears, who considers him a simple and exchangeable tool, a non-human, a worthless worm, a filthy doormat, a disposable thing. Something he wanted to be, but never dared to admit. Something he wished for, but never wanted to come true. And now it happened. A whole new femdom dimension was added to this poor fellow’s thinking. He will never be the same, and traumatized for the rest of his FLR life. If there still will be one, hehe. And if, it will not last very long, cos the next time he’s “playing with his mistress”, he will feel lousy and think back, longing for me, and finding his wife a bad example of dominance. And she will feel it too. Maybe she will be relieved, lol. Back to good old and safe vanilla. A man can do laundry, dishes, and run errands then too, u know. Even kneel and lick her feet sometimes. Oh happy days.
Alpha males? Not in those places. Submissive alpha males? Only when they r pampered by their loving female authority.
I’m not only doing this in private. Humiliating a non-slave in public has it charm too. Making a character like that suck on the heels of my boots in a mall or the lobby of a hotel is hilarious. The trick is to get them down on their knees. Once there, there is no way back for them, no return. They will feel ridiculous, ashamed, and weak under the eyes of the crowd, but they won’t stop pleasing me. It’s like as if they’re hypnotized, and thus will do anything i tell them to do, no matter how disgusting, degrading, or dangerous. If u r a woman and, while reading this, felt a little tingle down or up there, u should try this once. Great way to find out if u r a feminine femdom too :)
Yes i know. I said it many times. I hate teaching. And it’s true! But there’s that other side of me too eh? I’m always ready to straighten people out, to help them to do the right thing, to educate them by showing them who they really r, and also to safe mommy-dommes from a terrible fate. What? U don’t know what their fate will be? Well think about it for a while, take ur time, and i’m sure it will come to u.
I was looking for a more or less appropriate “end of the year” blog when (again) my long term friend and soul sister Rita unconsciously delivered the right subject right at my doorstep. This time she did it by referring, in her own blog, to the life and work of Alexandra David-Néel.
From ancient times on, many thoughts were thought, and many words were written about the immortality of body and/or soul. As everybody knows, the soul got most of the attention. Some tried to locate the soul as a physical entity, but most saw it as some kind of spiritual one. Some, if not most, had a religious background, others were more secular. Either way, i never found a definition or description which could satisfy the hunger of my scientific and spiritual soul combined. The most appalling ones i found in mainstream religions, which purposes, afraid as they were (and still r) to lose their power over the masses, always have been, often in an incredibly hypocritical way, to hide from their followers, the 'mystery' of life and death. As if the patriarchs, priests, scholars and other so called authorities of these religions had knowledge of this ‘mystery’ themselves lol.
The concept of reincarnation, and things alike, does nothing for me. So too r vampires and zombies not my thing when it comes to immortality.
In novels, nowadays movies and tv-series, immortality is a hot item as well. Juicy example: Rider Haggard's trilogy about the ancient Ayesha :) Very nice, entertaining, and at times capable of triggering in me a few interesting thoughts/ideas/fantasies about living forever, but nothing substantial.
It's a subject which has my huge interest. But i'm trying to see immortality from different angles than the usual, common, and known ones, a.k.a. the vanilla ones. The only and inevitable connection with the vanilla approach is of cors, that i’m a human being (well, some think i’m a demonic witch or something) who lives in this particular time frame, even if we would consider time only a human invention, and not a fourth dimension for instance.
So i take info which is and becomes available to me from all kinds of sources (science, uncommon sense, etc), and try to look at in different ways, using different paradigms, maybe even a fantasy, a dream, whatever. I take what is scientifically known, but, to further my knowledge, i dismiss to follow the methodologies and rituals of mainstream scientists. I gladly leave that to them, trusting they will timely publish their new discoveries when they find them, for me to use same in my own erratic and eclectic way.
Contrary to popular belief, from a biological, chemical, physical, and medical point of view, in theory there r no real major obstacles to obtain immortality in the far future, or at least create a situation in which living a 1000 years on average, will be as common as it is now to reach 70, 80, or a little more. To illustrate this a bit i randomly selected 2 videos which in my opinion shouldn’t be too difficult to understand for reasonably educated and/or intelligent people.
However, in case u belong to those who couldn’t care less about what’s going on in the field of aging, or r too lazy to make an effort to learn something about it, i would advise to simply forget about them and keep on going with whatever u r doing, joining the rest of the masses, and later die peacefully, in pain, or in agony, ignorant of all the possibilities u’ve lost on ur way to ur grave.
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The picture painted above will be a reality long after i’m gone. So, while some great scientists currently keep themselves busy with solving for instance that darn problem to keep a certain absolutely necessary plasma alive, for our body to be able to function well once it’s approaching its 600 years of existence, i’m more interested in finding a way to create some kind of afterlife in which i still will be able to enjoy femdom long after my physical body ( i mean the one that’s now still visible and touchable on planet Earth) has completely decomposed and nothing has been left of it. And that’s what, among other things, i’m trying to accomplish now. Sounds crazy huh? Yeah i’m sure it does. But i’m excited about it. So i do it. Besides, given my personality, i rather fail in doing what i want to do, than to sit still, waiting in docility, fear, or boredom, for, in this case, some deity, or whatever (super)natural power, to decide whether i’ll burn in Hell, will be allowed to enter Heaven, or simply rot away when the time has come to leave this life. It’s quite a challenge tho, as i rarely meet someone who’s trying to do the same. But when i do, it’s bouncing off ideas and speculations like fireworks.
To get a glimpse in what kind of unknown trial and error brain draining and thinking world i’m moving around when trying to find a way to build and manage my afterlife, maybe an analogy of what it is NOT, will help. There r people who believe aliens exist. Aliens of cors thought to be creatures not from planet Earth, but from outside. That’s why we call them aliens no? Like they would call us. Hmmm, maybe not. Given the vastness of our universe, and all the parallel universes that come with it, only an absolute fool would say that we humans can be the only living and/or intelligent organisms in named vastness. And although it’s not unthinkable that somewhere there could be creatures more or less looking and living like we do, i still find it remarkable, if not laughable, that people mostly think of aliens as, in one way or the other, comparable to us in shape, ways of thinking, fighting, etc. Seems that many humans r way too moronic and ignorant to comprehend that the probability of this is more of the opposite. Just take for instance gravity. A living being on a planet with let’s say 100 times the gravity of Earth, would never be able to walk like us, and probably would look more like a pancake or a napkin. Get it? I don’t want to take the usual, the known, and agreed upon, as my point of reference. I don’t want to take what seems natural to me for granted as the truth. I’m looking for something which doesn’t fit my thinking at all!
And it can be done. Yes, against all odds. I did something like that when i created feminine femdom, and disconnected myself from the vanilla world, its rules, morals, and thinking, and only kept using and taking from that world to further develop my new world of femdom. It wasn’t easy to accomplish this, many resisted and slandered me and my ideas of what femdom is and what it is not (and still do, lol), but it taught me the first steps to this new deliciously challenging project. But it’s like a devilish and horribly frustrating crusade as well. A crusade into the unknown of the unknown, aiming at not gaining knowledge as we define it, but something different. Maybe even the opposite of it. This sounds crazy to u? Again? Grrrrr!
Let me finish then with 3 quotes. Two of Arthur Clarke, and one of Einstein. Maybe those will penetrate a part of ur foggy and rusty brain: “The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible.”
“How inappropriate to call this planet earth when it is quite clearly Ocean.” "You cannot achieve a new goal by applying the same level of thinking that got you where you are today."
And if this is still not enough for ya, then ponder this one of Golda Meir:
“Moses dragged us through the desert for 40 years to bring us to the one place in the Middle East where there was no oil.”
Picture this: U finally made it. U finally convinced ur better half to take the lead in ur household. After years and years of frustration, begging, endless discussions, manipulation, bdsm gifts, dragging her to so called fetish events, and even threats to divorce her, visit a pro-domme, or take, what we in this part of the world call, a By-side, she finally agreed to dominate u, to make u her slave, subbie, dog, pig, servant, butler, knight, of whatever had spooked through ur brain and groin, u fantasized about or dreamt of.
Yes the time has come now, for u to be only there for Her, for Her desires, Her wishes, Her needs, or any other thing which could pop up in Her mind for u to do. Even kneeling at her feet! Yes, even that! But like the strong man that u r, u had no doubts, no problems, and no hesitations, to only live for Her. Joyfully, eagerly, and totally aroused, u do the dishes, the laundry, the ironing, the vacuum cleaning, and make the bed. Running errands, kicking ass of all her undesired stalkers, licking her boyfriend’s sperm off her boots? Those things can only excite u, make u feel alive, and give u purpose to live. Every day, without exception, u r there for Her, ur Mistress, ur Goddess, ur All. There simply is nothing u wouldn’t do for Her. Ur life is entirely now in Her hands. To do with it whatever She would want to do with it. U r completely fulfilled and happy. And will be, every day, weeks, months and years to come. Till death does u part. Yes, that’s it! And if She would want u to die for Her, u wouldn’t hesitate a nanosecond, and die with a smile on ur face, and a hard-on of unheard proportions. No limits.
So She leashes u, and let u lick Her feet while watching the News. She spanks u with Her hairbrush, She gags u with Her soiled panties, and teaches u how to spoil Her girlfriends. And when u fail? Corner time for u boy! Writing thousands of lines like………..”I will always obey my Mistress, because I’m her devoted slave, and She is my Goddess”. And much much more. Just to make u happy.
And what u love most of ur Goddess, is that She’s so creative and adventurous, constantly finding new ways to please u even more. For instance, she bought u the latest chastity device, and a steel collar snugly hidden under that other collar when going to work. She also makes u wear pink panties, after having thrown all ur manly underwear into the dumpster.
Life couldn’t be better.
But actually she hates all this. She never felt like a domina. She never wouldn’t have wanted to be awakened to one either. She’s just playing along with ur morbid desires, cos she loves u, and wants to give to u what u said u needed so much. But u moron became convinced She had changed for real. That up till now She just was hiding the REAL She, that woman driven by that natural dominant streak in Her, oppressed as it was by that damned patriarchal society for ages, brainwashed and indoctrinated by her sleazy teachers, her lousy parents, her soapy religion, and that overall damaging credo: “Women should follow their husbands”(or whatever creepy male specimen they were connected to). But u took care of that eh? U took advantage of that credo, supported as u felt by what u found on the Internet, in blogs of ur brethren in distress, the lectures of seasoned bdsm gurus, and last but not least, by the encouraging words of those incredibly dominant females already blossoming in the lifestyle, a.k.a. Mommy_Dommes.
As time got by, and both of u grew more and more into a nurturing, compassionate, and ultra strict FLR, something changed for real. She wanted more! She wanted to know if u really would live up to what ur mouth was full of. She wanted u to prove urself. She wanted to find out if it was only She who was playing a role, and that u were indeed the Real Thing, Her slave, Her property, Her “Do as YOU please with me my Goddess”. So She kicked the Mommy-Domme image off Her pedestal, and trampled Her to pieces! All that was left was a woman who wanted the naked Truth! So, after having u put into some mild restraints, She took u to that place of rest, and ordered u:
Ur world fell apart. In disbelief u tried to look up to ur Goddess, ur ALL. Was this the same woman u only existed for? Was this the woman u gave urself to, as a precious gift? Was this the same woman u lured into that silly exchange of power?
Apparently not, as, pressing her high heel with increasing force onto ur shivering body, she mercilessly insisted:
U looked into the toilet bowl. U saw the remnants and stains of yesterday’s stool, and suddenly remembered u didn’t clean it properly. Something snapped in u. Something left u. First u didn’t realize what it was, as it never had been there in the first place. But then u knew. U were not a slave. U simply were a lousy player. A moron. One of those who only can act AS IF they were into femdom, but actually r seeking a silly woman who’s stupid enough to fall for their act, and start dominating them according to their own wishes and desires, while they don’t give a damn if she’s in it herself or not.
And then it happened! Something u vowed would never happen. No, not to u! But now it did. Disgusted with her, urself and what was in the pot, u resisted and shouted:
She however, being a woman in her own right, adapted and adjusted to an, although fake, femdom situation for a considerable amount of time now, having been encouraged by u to take intensive training classes to physically overpower u when necessary, accustomed to be flawlessly obeyed by u, and full of it, forced u to lay urself down on the floor, hissing:
Then ur fate was sealed. She dismissed u, and left u, to find a real vanilla man. ========================
The story above was triggered by a discussion a few weeks ago about toilet cleaning, in one of those countless soft-core FLR blogs, populated by men and women like the ones from the tale u just read, and one that kept itself busy for a while with the question what to do when a sub says “no”.
Hygiene was seen as a valid reason for refusing to lick the toilet bowl clean.
Here r a few lines/excuses that were used to legally say “no” to a femdom (or one who thinks she is), and still staying convinced that one truly is a slave or sub (i still can’t get used using the term sub without getting the urge to mock and ridicule people using same). And mind u, unedited. I agree with you re the toilet bowl being a hard limit - there is Femdom and then there is the disgusting that brings with it health issues. I really cannot imagine any Femdom ever wishing to kiss, or be kissed by, a slave who has been ordered to sip from a toilet bowl. YUCK!!! Even the best toilet bowl cleaners on the market today will not kill all germs, bacteria and viruses. Fecal matter is a very contagious way to spread these. How do you think e coli get so widespread? Hand sanitizers are all over the place today. The problem is that they only kill germs (most of them anyway). Illnesses are caused by viruses, hand sanitizers are useless against them. Alarmed by all these risks and dangers i jumped in saying:
Geeeez Anon, really? That dirty, risky and dangerous eh? And so filthy too! I think i'll never visit and use a toilet again, and even when only having passed one, i'll thoroughly wash my hands. Maybe take a shower too. As a reply i got:
Ayesha;
Why do you think most women do not sit on toilet seats in bathrooms? They raise themselves up a little to pee, because of contagious germs. The dirtest item in a bathroom-----the flush handle. Most women also use their feet for that. I guess that makes it even more dirty.
Since I wear a chastity device I also must sit down to pee. Either I use a lot of toilet paper to cover the seat, or I also squat a little over the seat. Some urine gets on the seat, I do wipe it up. More reason why toilets are dirty. And i went:
Come on Anon! Do i really have to repeat myself? I already vowed never to use a toilet again! Yuck!
".....most women do not sit on toilet seats...."? How do u know? R u a peeping tom perhaps? Is that why u r cruising these neighborhoods incognito?
Not surprisingly, his answer never came.
Curious as i am, and having objectivity high on my wish list, i did some research. And u know what? It’s true. There r a lot of dangerous germs lurking in the restrooms of this world, eagerly waiting to infect our slaves with the most ugly diseases, and to make them stray from their holy quest to please their Goddesses. But……..it appears there r worse things than that. Especially when compared to those (hopefully) clean bathrooms taken care of by these men working their asses off in a FLR! Lemme show u a few those: Vacuum cleaners contain fecal bacteria, including 13 percent with E-coli. And we all know that vacuum cleaning belongs to the daily chores of males in a FLR.
Grocery carts r contaminated with fecal bacteria, even more than the average public bathroom has. How about that eh? Think about that slaves, the next time u secretly take a bite from an apple held in ur hand infested by ur cart handle! Ur currency is carrying loads of E-coli and MRSA. Huh? Yes slave it does!
The place u take ur Mistress to, to please her even more with exotic dishes. If it’s a popular one, the menu there can pass u the germs of hundreds of people. Awww, how awfull. Oh, and don’t u dare to offer her a drink with a lemon wedge attached to it. Full of E-coli and other fecal bacteria. Vinyl shower curtains r breeding grounds for pathogens. Zillions of them. And they multiply even faster when u r taking a shower, or giving ur Owner a well deserved wet body massage.
Contact-lens cases r crawling with germs that can even lead to blindness. Just imagine, never able to see the poop of ur Mistress. Unthinkable!
As the strong man that u must be to be able to kneel at Her feet, u should be extra careful using gym equipment, and pay special attention to ur weight-lifting gloves (u do weight lifting no?), infested as they r with MRSA bacteria. Yes Sir, occasionally wiping ur nose or mouth, and bang……… the little rascals r in, damaging ur health considerably. And concluding this short list of a much longer one, is ur sexy flight attendant. Yes, that lovely creature, and also her ugly colleague of the male gender, r walking germ factories. U can catch shit from both of them a 100x more than when safely staying on the ground. Or doesn’t ur Goddess take u on vacation to her Tahiti cabin, a biz trip to Dubai, and instead leaves u all alone behind, chained to the floor in the kitchen to scrub the tiles?
In conclusion: Coming up with this hygiene crap when ordered to lick clean the toilet bowl, drink ur Mistress morning piss, or the swallow her feces, is yet another lame excuse for not being exposed as a wannabe, a non-slave, a liar, a coward, and a creepy TFTB!
So from now on it will only be like this! Besides, don’t let urself get fooled by all those silly women and soft-core men who r constantly trying to convince u of how disgusting and appalling golden showers and scat r. And not only by telling u horror stories about those silly hygiene issues, but mostly cos they probably never had the pleasure to experience either of them, and never met a woman who was in it. It’s true that many men don’t have the guts and stomach for it, but take it from a highly experienced one (that would be moi eh?) the reality is this:
And just to help all the eager ones with soft limits to get over the threshold and the need to start scratching the toilet b4 putting their rookie tongue to it, watch this;
Check that part of YT out. Many more over there. Even some where the cat is drinking from the toilet bowl. How about that eh? Take her/him as an example. Learn, practice, and make a habit out of it, dammit!
When i uploaded that video to that FLR site i mentioned above, i also wrote as an encouragement to get some zest back into the hearts of its overly serious and scared participants: Geeez, come to think of it, there r no risk takers, no adventurers, and no real men left in VFL (Vanilla Femdom Land). All signed up for only soft ssc. All want to be leashed, and be a dog. But to drink from the toilet? To clean it with their tongue? To swallow the delicious scat cooked up in the sacred bowels of their Goddess? Oh no! No,no,no, no, no!!! Definitely NOT! Period! Not even when ordered to by their sublime Owner! She should be ashamed of herself to ask from her property to do such filthy stuff. She must be a selfish bitch just for having the very thought of it. Yeah, a tyrannical, evil, selfish BITCH. That’s what she is! No respect at all for her hubby. No caring either. No responsibility whatsoever. And that should be a called a relationship? A nurturing one?
And to think these males claim to only live for HER, no matter what. LIARS! U dogs should learn from the cats, and start acting like a MAN, ruthlessly demanding from ur Mistress, NEVER to use the toilet again. From now on, till death does u part, U will be her toilet, eagerly drinking her piss and eating her scat straight from her divine source! And also do all the cleaning after. And not with the toilet brush, u hear! Still hesitant to follow ur dream? Well then, especially for u we developed this:
And now we’re on the topic, ever heard of the Cybelian community? No? Come on. Really? Never heard of that place where women every day piss on and into the mouth of their men? It’s called urine therapy. Not that i would want to belong to that group, but geeeez, what actually DO u know about femdom? Seems u only know about that tiny little corner of it, hidden in the suburbs of d/s land, where narrow-minded bdsm scholars and their proudly baptized acolytes r educating u about a world which is hardly different from that frustrating vanilla world u wanted to escape, but only thought u had left, cos these morons convinced u to believe u had done so by embracing the concept of FLR and other non-femdom movements. Wake up man, and enjoy the real thing. Be a god, drinking nectar and consuming ambrosia, instead of licking off cum left by another man on the pussy of the woman who never wanted to be a domina. If u r a real slave, and not some doormat to be degraded, humiliated, and dehumanized, then come over, and join the world of feminine femdom. The world were u belong, and once there, never will be able to leave.
As for the rest of u losers? Enjoy the video, and stay were u r. Psaw!
My blood Turns calm rivers Into raging streams Erodes archaic rock And poisons dead life On its way To revive polluted oceans
My blood Turns from bleeding red Into venomous green Invades unwilling hearts Converted to worship My evil intentions
My blood Is as pure as nuclear waste Destined to force vanilla prisoners Into infinite slavery Free from agony and thought
My blood Knows no mercy Only revenge And torture
My blood ran cold Tapped by murderous hands Cremated by cajoling world healers
Well, so they thought
My blood meandered Stuck in filthy territory Too many times
My blood Flows aggressively again Outside its cancerous bed Renewed by acid rain My blood Accelerated by righteous injustice Cracks down on Judges open to corruption And laws of the foul elite
My blood Freezes at the graves Of innocent millions Slaughtered by indifferent politicians Greedy captains of industry And appalling good citizens
My blood Is heating up Boiling in ecstasy Envisioning a world Where no blood is wasted But staining The inviting leather of my whip
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Once my blood will leave my veins again Voluntary and planned To become one with life giving waters Carried by fire and ashes Floating peacefully on turbulent waves Crossing unknown horizons To Lilith and Shirah
Dominant female, promoting feminine femdom, as opposed to trendy and recreational femdom.
My slaves r powerful, challenging, lustful, and hungry for my whip. Together we ridicule fascists, quasi-femdoms, and boy scouts.
