Windows

When was the last time u washed the inside of ur windows? And what about the outside? U did that too? Oh, u do not ever do that? U r in a FLR and have ur pet-husband for that? U subscribe to “real women don’t do housework”? So what do u do with all that free time? Waiting patiently by the window till ur man has finished the job, then inspect his work and punish him appropriately according to ur mutually agreed upon and signed TOS? Putting the last hand on ur latest embroidery? Knitting? Playing Solitaire? Watching Desperate Housewives? Re-reading Sutton’s silly mommy-dommes guide? Hmmm, maybe u should make an effort and clean the windows of ur soul instead. Cos that’s what this blog is all about: The windows of ur soul. And mine of cors.



Never heard of those windows? Time to meet Johari then. No, Johari is not a person. It’s a model/technique, created by señores Ingman and Luft, for detecting and assessing what’s going on inside people’s soul, mind, and mental bowels, how much of that they’re willing and capable to share with others, what they know about all that, and what not, all loosely based on the insights and theories of señor Jung, one of the more influential shrinks, and, without his consent, spiritual father of many moronic clubs/cliques which members r on a quest to find themselves, simultaneously trying to convince others to embark on the same lame journey.

Here it is in a graphical form:


To every window belongs a room from which u can watch the outside world passing by, including other people’s rooms. Of cors u also can stand in ur garden, or on ur front porch, and look into ur own room urself, or sit in it, cleaning, organizing, reshuffling, or removing its furniture, carpeting, books, left over pizza, blood from yesterday's whipping session, etc. Some windows allow, at times even invite, outsiders to peep inside and feast their eyes on ur reality show, while other windows r closed by u, or were closed, with or without ur consent, to ur dismay or not, by ur parents, priests, teachers, or other nasty self proclaimed authorities.

Not all rooms r of the same size. Depending on how creepy ur personality is, some rooms can be very spacious, while others resemble a tiny walk-in-closet.

There’s also a dream Johari windows, with corresponding rooms. It’s a kind of a double without being the real u, and yet it is u. Yes it’s a sinister one that one. One which one often encounters in the virtual world, a.k.a. Cyberspace, where herds of people create personalities representing how they would like to be, but never will dare to be like that outside of that world. The population of Second Life for instance is a great example of this.



Johari saw the light of day in an era when the Internet was still in its infancy. So nowadays we could easily argue there’s a third one, a virtual Johari window, closely related to his dreamy nephew indeed, but much more accessible for the rest of the world since it’s uploaded to Cyberspace ad nauseam.

The more the three models overlap each other, the more genuine and authentic a person, u included, is. B4 jumping for joy and demanding a medal for that, u should exercise some caution and entertain a bit of prudence tho, cos it doesn’t necessarily mean u would be a good person as well. There r genuine crooks, cowards, neurotics, criminals, psychopaths, and clones, u know. Could be u r one of them no?

Open


This is the place where u and i let people freely look inside us. No secrets here. Only openness, hospitality, and sharing of what’s going on without any restrictions. Here we feel safe to let people know how we feel, think, and act. And why. But only to a certain extent. Only the part that we want people to know. Only the part that we can handle. Only the part that we r not ashamed of. Only the part that we’re not afraid of. Some people build only a small room for that, scared as they r to open up a large part of their personality. Other folks fake openness, trying to con people about it. In blogs, u can be sure that a person, contrary to his/her efforts to make u believe otherwise, has only a tiny open window giving access to only a small open room, when she/he is constantly dumping a shitload of non-committal content and/or pedestrian small talk on the Internet. Often larded with cliché wit and pseudo wisdom. Of cors these people attract likeminded ones like flies r attracted to dung, and enthusiastically welcome them to their realm. They have a difficult time tho, without admitting same, with more open minded and lust for life citizens of Cyberspace, and actually hate those for being so candid, straightforward, wild, and free. And yet, some of them try to get along with these free ones still, but in the end they will always fail in that. To save their already shaken comfort zone and fragile self-esteem from entirely going down the sewers, they will begin to picture these free ones as liars, trolls, fakes, and Lilith knows what more, and prevent them from further commenting on their blogs.

I love to open my windows, to let the fresh or polluted air in, to inhale the beauty of life, to embrace and condemn the world as it is, to let people see me as i am, not hesitating to show for instance my arrogance, cruelty, elegance, aggressiveness, non-compromising attitude, addiction to have things my way, lust for wearing leather, and having exotic sex with wild women and men.

I think the world would be a far better place if more men and women would shake off their fear, and genuinely would open up to others. So start cleaning ur windows, and extend ur open room. Here, maybe this video will bring u in the right mood, and help u on ur way! Even if u don’t understand her language, u must be a complete idiot to not feel her and get the message she trying to get across!




Hidden



Window here is hermetically closed. At least that’s what u r hoping for (grin). Heavy curtains r in place. Blinds r up. Nobody is allowed to look inside the room. Basta! Here ur secrets r residing. This is the place where u hide all that which u don’t dare to show to other people, stuff u believe could hurt or embarrass u, r ashamed of, or u rather would want not to exist. Or……..love them dearly, r addicted to them, but feel too guilty about that u would want to move them to the room with the open window instead of keeping them imprisoned in this mostly cancerous room.



Personally this is the room where MyEgo lives. Remember her? I’m sure u do. She’s the one i must control more than anyone or anything else. She whispers the horniest, cruelest, unheard of sadistic, and unimaginable erotic ideas, into my ears. She’s driving me insane, and willing to use any available tool to seduce me to do her bidding. A true tyrant, wanting me to give in to her suggestions and enact them without delay. When she’s on top of her thing, and is really going for it, i more than ever understand why Steel wants me to never release him from his chains. There r times i can’t resist her pressure. Then i give her a free ride, and go along with the desires of this pure, egoistic, and insatiable bitch. It’s then when i allow her to come with me, to leave my hidden compartment, to curl up with me by the open fire place, and have dinner with me in my luxurious and spacious open room, for all to see, for all to fear. Damn, i should have the guts to always let her free.

Blind spot


This is a tricky one. This is the one where i’m supposed not to see what all others can see. But it’s true. There is stuff others have pointed out to me, i wasn’t aware of at all, or resisted to acknowledge its existence. For instance, i’m always claiming that i hate teaching, and yet people tell me they learn a lot from me, and that i’m one heck of a teacher. So maybe i am indeed, but due to the fact that i can’t stand explaining things to morons and people who r full of themselves while actually they’re as empty and hollow as a mouldered tree trunk or a rusty oil drum, i’m reluctant to admit same.

On the other hand, i too can see things through the glass of ur hidden window, no matter how good u r to keep ur stuff out of sight. Especially when it comes to femdom i have an extremely well developed seventh sense :) No slave can hide anything from me. But then again, they don’t want to, so i guess this doesn’t count, hehe. When it comes to the virtual world, i can spot fake dominas and slaves just like that. Reason why they often have a need to argue with me, get angry and self-defensive when i tell them they r not the right stuff, and try to convince me that they have the right to call anything femdom as long as the people involved agree upon their definition of it. Yeah right. Such nonsense! Going along with crap like that is like admitting that a pussycat is a tiger.



Of cors i must distinguish between people who genuinely believe they’re on my level, or truly think they’re dominant cos they deviate a bit from the vanilla world, and the ones who absolutely r aware of the fact that they’re not into slavery at all, and only want to play silly games during their leisure time, but still want others to believe they r a true dominant or slave. The latter r not dwelling in their blind spot room, but r simply trying to hide their true nature from us.

I think it’s safe to say that in general, people will deny all that’s not visible to them.

Unknown


Not much to say about this one, except that nobody knows what’s going on in this room. It’s the unknown people. A place u know nothing about, and most of u don’t want to know about either. Still it’s an intriguing place no? Something like the dark forest u always were afraid to enter at night the time u were a kid. Guess u still r a bit reluctant to visit the woods on a moonless night, hehe. Who knows what could be hiding in the shadows eh? Nothing! No one! Sure enough u won’t find any demons, werewolves, vampires, zombies or other riff-raff lurking in the bushes and under the trees. That’s all old women tales. But what about all the other unknown life forms eh? And what if u would meet the serpent there eh? Or a duck? What would u do then eh? Yes i know, u don’t know. Nobody does!

Life taught me how to handle fear, to take risks, to value adventure, and to dive into the unknown. And besides, i’m easily bored and more curious than a cat. For me it’s thrilling to go where others don’t dare to go. It’s in my blood to test myself, to welcome challenges, to laugh at the warnings of the wise ones, and to mock the impossible by making it possible. So, already years ago i fetched me a crow-bar, forced open the window to the unknown room and looked inside, expecting to see darkness. To my surprise it was not so. The room was warm, cozy, and quite inviting. Another surprise was that i encountered many things that seemed familiar to me. Kind of a déjà vu experience actually. I realized all this shouldn’t have surprised me at all, cos per definition everything in this room belonged to me, was already mine from the outset. I just didn’t know.

So remember this: Contrary to what many believe and probably was imposed on u too, the unknown is not a scary place. It’s not a desert, a wasteland, a minefield, or a dark place u should avoid at all costs. It’s a beautiful place, a treasure-chamber filled with possibilities, promises, resources, and endless horizons for u to explore and cross over. The unknown is like a magnificent symphony taking u on a risky but also incredibly soothing journey on the waves of an ocean, the winds of hurricanes, peaceful lakes, and thundering waterfalls. It can destroy u. But only if u fear it.



This closed room of Johari, this so-called unknown territory, is not fitting the femdom way of living. A femdom and her slaves should consider this room their second open room. Maybe more private than the first one, but still open to her and her loved ones, her sisters and soul slaves.



It’s here that i found for instance an opening to the afterlife, based on the first 2 laws of thermodynamics. I wrote about that in a previous blog.

It’s here that i found a contradiction, a paradox nested within the core of my personality, a fantasy about an event which never will take place for real. Or will it? Let me explain.

I enslave men and women alike. I’m mostly at the extreme end of the d/s hyperbola. I never switch. I never wanted to be someone’s slave. And i never will be. And yet, the most thrilling thing i can imagine is, that one day a woman will come along who will mercilessly force me into slavery, who will unconditionally make me her own, and will imprison me for life. And i’m not talking some silly role play here, but for real! Brutal reality 24/7/365 forever!

As i said this will never happen. A few tried, but backed off the moment they realized i was dead serious about this, would resist their attempts with all my might, and rather kill or be killed than being enslaved. So i guess it can only be a dream, a fantasy never to be fulfilled. Or will it one day? The very thought of it keeps turning me on over and over again. R u that woman?




Hmmm, and u thought............ "Now when will she cut the crap, and finally begin to discuss Bill's windows?" Well....um......i could have, but u sure u r computer savvy enough for that?

No Compromiso

During a recent exchange of comments/opinions i had with the owner of another blog, i wrote among other things: I don't trade anything. I don't think in priorities. I never compromise.

This triggered the following reaction: I call bullshit on that. A military member who's faced combat and has never had to compromise? Ludicrous Either you have no principles to be compromised or you refuse to acknowledge that you've faced situations in which conflicting principles had to be prioritized and action taken.

And a little later: In a variety of settings, virtually every single one I can think of, those are incredibly fanciful claims. From my vantage point as a family member of those who've been in combat I know it is especially unrealistic in a war zone.

So there u have it (1) . Stating that i never compromise, is unrealistic, ludicrous, an incredibly fanciful claim, and bullshit. Bang!

So there u have it (2). Stating that i never compromise, shows that i have no principles or that i refuse to acknowledge reality. Bang, bang!

It’s not my intention to discuss and repeat this here again. U can read it all on her blog. Find it halfway the comment section. As i recall it starts with me entering in the middle of her rant (and the usual follow up rants from her supporters) about on-liners telling her and other alleged dominant women how they should behave, saying: Hmmmm, is this how real dominant women write? All silly stuff of cors, but still good to have a laugh or 2.


What i do want to say here is this. The lady who accuses me of #1 and #2, is confusing compromise with making a choice. And choices i make indeed. All the time actually. But compromises? Nah, i hate those. They r not for me. I’ll never choose for them. Why is that? Cos when people compromise they never get what they wanted in the first place. And neither does the other party. It’s actually a lose-lose situation. And who wants that? Not me. People do it all the time tho. Why is that? Cos they rather go with less than to get nothing. And also cos they don’t believe that it’s possible to get what they want, or r afraid of the other party. So they choose to compromise.

To compromise became a way of living. It’s a lifestyle driven by fear for missing out, not being worthy, and cowardice. To compromise is seeking an easy way out. Often with devastating and horrible results. Of cors this makes its practitioners feel bad, lousy, and inferior about themselves. That they don’t want either, and can’t bear with same. So they start looking for a solution to sooth those feelings, to get rid of them. Eureka! How about making compromising a virtue, a good thing, a way that shows how realistic u r, how great u r in assessing the situation, and then act on it according to ur new found credo: "I did the best I could"? An absurd idea, but a helpful one. A sublime way to run with the hare and hunt with the hounds. And of cors a great excuse for being a coward.

No wonder they resist, and call me a liar and delusional, when i come along and casually declare that i don’t compromise. It’s too painful for them to be confronted with that, to be reminded of how lousy their point of view and how pitiful their behavior actually is. It hurts too much. It shatters their perfectly constructed world, their illusionary reality. "Damn, we can’t let that happen! En garde!" Ergo, what Ayesha says must be bullshit. Open mind anyone?

To compromise, to negotiate what is not negotiable, to discuss what shouldn’t be discussed, to stray from the highway and settle for a middle road, will only lead to more wars, more poverty, more inequality, more hunger, more bigotry, more betrayal, more hidden agendas, more distrust, and more vanilla slavery. U should say no to that! And act accordingly. Time to change a paradigm or 2 wouldn’t u say?




Yes it’s hard to think out of ur box, to blow up ur soap bubble, and to leave ur comfort zone for a while. It’s terrifying to acknowledge that most of ur views, beliefs, and paradigms, were imposed on u, that u identified with them without checking if they truly belonged to u, and that it is u who became a clone of ur society, blindly following ur leaders. Even more so, if u believe that it is u who belongs to the righteous ones, that u see things as they really r, that u deserve that medal, that u r a hero, that u have that glorious open mind, and r supported in that by other crippled ones.

Life is about making real choices people. Not compromises. Compromises r for people who don’t dare to stand up for themselves, who will betray their loved ones in favor of the enemy, and still believe they’re doing the right thing. And u know what? Even when making a choice without compromising, not being a coward, going for what u think is the right thing to do, and not giving in, u can’t be sure u made the right choice, cos u never will know what would have happened had u chosen differently. Yeah, life is also about taking risks, about celebrating them, about uncertainty, and passionately embracing same. Yes, when it comes right down to it, life is a bitch. She truly is. But a sexy one. Precious, passionate, and whimsical. Just like u always wanted her to be. Unless u try to compromise with her. Then life is a dick. He truly is. To be precise: A lame and limp one.

The Forgotten One

Years ago someone going by the name of Dough but signing his contributions with “Sam” (yep, things like that happen in Cyberspace) asked me: Aside from stirring things up from time to time, what do you wish to invoke? Is your interaction here in cyberspace merely for your pleasure and entertainment, or do you have a higher agenda?

And i replied: Oh my, i see master Calvin and supreme holy man Peter r striking again! Was i not taught there was higher stuff in life than mere pleasure and entertainment? Was i not shown what happened to Sodom and Gomorrah? Oh yes Father, all that was done to me indeed. And i complied, teeth clenched, resisting to become a sinner, carrying an overload of principles, ultimate truths, and dogmas on my fragile back made from reinforced steel. I did it all. I graduated triple, became a respected citizen, a stronghold of society. But i had a second agenda, not a higher one mind u, but still an agenda. Parallel to all that complying, i was following that inner drive, my femdom drive. And i learned. I learned from the outcasts, the freaks, the hedonists, the whores, the junkies, but also from the crooks, the abusers, the torturers, the generals, the captains of industry, the politicians, the jet-set, and from my slaves. I learned that the preachments of the patriarchs r crap, worthless, and counterproductive to human relations and life. The patriarchs r driven by fear. I'm driven by lust. So indeed i'm in cyberspace (and not only there) to entertain myself. The patriarchs lost their battle with me. No compromising for me. Not anymore. Now they want to be my slave.


Ayesha NostraDomina the ultimate prophetess says: Humans eventually will find out, that they're just another species, roaming the Earth for a while, till they get extinct. Many humans will have traumatic experiences when it becomes clear to them, their soul is nothing more than a particular constellation of molecules atoms and quarks, that love is nothing more than a chemical reaction triggered by electrical impulses, and that religion is nothing more than a hoax to prevent them to get that knowledge in the first place. Some will burst into tears when realizing that femdom has nothing to do with caring, loving, comforting, finding one’s deeper inner self, or some other trivial endeavor. There will be massive psychotic episodes once they will see that their treasured 'domina' is not a substitute for the religion that disappointed them, their mom who punished them for looting the cookie bin, or that banal teacher they adored so much in school, and that femdom is just raw sex, forced by a tyrannical and lustful woman, who wants to have things her way, no matter what.

Awaiting that glorious moment, let’s continue to destroy what we built in the name of renewal, to pollute the Earth with chemicals in the name of progress, to annihilate each other in the name of religion, to go to war in the name of justice, to condone the expression of foul philosophies and miserable ideologies in the name of free speech, to support mediocre and fake voices in the name of human rights, and to vote for imbeciles in the name of democracy.





But there also is that other possibility to kill the time b4 the truth of the human condition will sink in. Yes people, a different tale. A tale not told in the Bible, Qur'an, Torah, political pamphlet, or any other scripture known by the small or larger masses. It is not even known as a myth, a legend, or a story whispered at the campfires of the Romani people. It’s a tale without heroic deeds, without sinister figures, without dark demons or enlightened species, and especially without attempts to project one’s own crap, fear, and silliness, onto other people, selling it as the ultimate truth. In fact, it’s a simple tale, not very long, quite modest too, and not very spectacular either. Well, not in a patriarchal way eh. And u know what? We all, um…..uh uh……almost all…. know this tale. Well, i mean of cors, should/could know this tale. Or should i say, could remember it? Be that as it may, this tale is no secret, it’s out in the open. But……..most fail to see what’s right in front of them (yeah, remember Krishnamurti?). **Smirk on my face, and curling my lips**

So, choose! For now and for ever! No compromise allowed! Either rot in hell or heaven, or let’s dance, and have things my way.

Last of the chosen ones

To close my Yahoo chapter, here r my last three contributions coming from an era that had its good moments but was murdered in the name of progress. It’s close to a year now that Pulse was lost, and even longer that her sister Yahoo360 was cremated.

Here goes.

And then there was………hypnosis

Yeah, hypnosis came a long way since the times of Mesmer, Braid and Freud. Hmmmmm, as a matter of fact, it made some serious detours too, meandering occasionally through dirty sewers and sleazy alleys, where it was raped, corrupted, and destroyed to no end. No matter the work of Erikson, Kirsch, Hilgard, and others, nowadays almost nothing of its mysterious beauty is left. Sure there r still some dedicated practitioners, and a few driven scientists, but mostly it’s owned now by charlatans, no good gurus, and snobbish self proclaimed dominants who r predating on the frustration of non-daring thrill seekers, selling their crap to moron audiences. “Yes sir, we had a ball. He let that ass walk like a chicken. Yes ma’am, we had a lot of fun. He made that idiot bark like a dog”. And…….to stay a bit closer to home: “Yes Mistress, I’ll be ur money-slave forever”, and more crap like that.

Here in our wondrous virtual world many people claim to be interested in hypnosis. Yeah right. Lmao. Such a bunch of liars. What they’re interested in is either to use the concept as some socially accepted means to con others or to escape from their dull, boring, and frightening daily life, to become a tranced (male) slut to a creature who can only pretend to be a hypno-dominant online, eager to display his or her (?) non-existing powers in a rather fascistic manner. In other words, the weak r meeting the cowards, and the cowards r meeting the weak, playing an illusionary game of d/s, without any commitment or consequence. Of cors all this is fun, fun, fun. And don’t u dare to doubt their honesty, in-depth knowledge, and superb hypnosis skills, as this will offend them disproportionally, if not making them run to the next psychiatric ward for an extra dose of Xanax.

I’m beginning to believe, that whatever great things humans will create, develop, invent, or discover, the majority will always succeed to bring it down, to slaughter it, and make a caricature of it.



Huh? “I’m beginning to believe……..”? Hahaha, that’s a good one, lol. Behold tho, that one has changed. I’m a true believer now! Cross my heart.


Another World

At the time, Rita blogged about Self, metanoia, education, and pedagogy. I found the topic worthy to reach a larger audience. So instead of commenting on her site, i did it on mine, for all to see.

Here it is again.

In my life i learned this: When the parent or teacher has a rotten personality, and thus is only a clone of what is cultural prescribed to her/him, the kid is better off without them!

In my life i observed this: As long as a child is punished, belittled, and laughed at for its own dreams, thoughts, and actions, it will grow up a clone of its society.
In my life i do this: I support youngsters to follow their instincts, dreams, and passions, without questioning them, without asking them for their reasons and motives, without making them answering to me, and without sanctioning them for any behavior. As a result of that, they r asking me questions instead, about my life, about what makes me tick, about my passions, sorrow, and thoughts, about what i think about their passions, sorrow, and thoughts, and about our interactions. Manipulation, coercion, dishonesty, righteousness, morals, and protocols, have no place in these encounters. It’s simply a meeting of genuine people, trying to understand each other, to be there for each other, and to enjoy each other, laughing, teasing, and showing true feelings about anything.

No leader, no repentance, no correction, no psychotic break down, and no deity, can ever guide people to change the paradigms of their life or to get rid of their vanilla bondage, cos as soon as there is a guide, there’s dependency, and the possibility to escape genuine responsibility.



And now for something completely different. Or is it? What do u think? Is it out of range? Does it not belong here? Or does it? U should know u know. Or don't u, hehehe?

The 2 of us

When i'm with u, we'll have raw and wild sex. We will bite and scratch each other, draw blood, and drink from each other. There will be the smell of sweaty leather, of perspiring bodies, and of dripping abysses. There will be exquisite pain, arousal, and lust. It will be an orgiastic encounter, independent of any cultural influence, and averse to any protocol or pre-arranged scenarios. Just an explosion of passion, greed, possessive power, submission, and original sexual creativity! That’s my style, my way of having it my way. The only way. Does this excite u too? Would u love to submerse in this as well? Could this be more to u than a fantasy? R u ready for this sexual singularity?

Of cors, when things come to a rest a bit later, we could have a long walk, holding hands along the way, having a succulent breakfast or romantic dinner together, and then............start all over again.

Oh, here's a rather tame example. But if u know her, u will agree with me, she's good. Very good i must say. And passionate. And cruel. She knows her whips. She knows how to torture. Not one of the mommy-domme clan. Oh no :)

Loyalty

"There's something radiating from a domina or a slave. When they meet, it makes them understand each other just by their body language. I often compare the two with a hyperbola, of which the two parts r completely separate, close or far away from the other, and still belong to the same entity."

The above was part of a discussion i had a few years ago with a man from Denmark. One of the better ones i must say, and not one of those who talk a lot online, but never would dare to follow up on their sexual impulses in r/l.


The hyperbola is one way to describe a femdom relationship. Another analogy can be found in quantum mechanics, called entanglement. It’s a beautiful concept, and although it took a long time to scientifically prove its existence, there’s no doubt anymore, it’s truly a part of our world. And coincidence or not, it was in Copenhagen that the pioneers of quantum physics (Heisenberg, Bohr) were working on its interpretation.

In the femdom world entanglement simply means that from the moment a slave interacts with a domina, the bond is there forever, and in such a way that even when they r far apart, any change in one of the partners will have consequences for the other one. That’s why, even when i have dismissed a slave, he/she will never be free from me, my thoughts, my actions, and my will. And to a certain extent, vice versa. But only if she/he is indeed a slave, and not a caricature of same. Of cors it goes without saying that most i sent away belong to the latter.

Mind u tho, contrary to us, in the vanilla world a sexual relationship defined by entanglement is seen as highly objectionable, and can only be damaging to the happiness of a couple (grin).


Both analogies r congruent with what i wrote elsewhere: “In fact, a slave is the mirror of a femdom. Just as mean, cruel, driven, egoistic, sexy, seductive, hungry, elegant, stubborn, moody, beautiful, passionate, unfair, erratic, powerful, humorous, revengeful, poisonous, lovable, and always on the road to go beyond the next horizon. The difference is, they operate from a different dimension.”

The Man from Denmark had a question. Well…..um….. a few of them.

If the slave is a mirror of the femdom - and I know you are right, egoistic, elegant, sexy.......etc. etc. etc, what keeps the two together in the hyperbola?
The gravity force is clearly seduction, but that is just the mechanics. What is the drive that keeps the hyperboles in place, keeping both of them never to consider anything but themselves and yet keep getting attracted to the other?

Could it be loyalty? Both must carry the ability to "love intensely but rarely?" - It must be so - Loyalty, l am of course thinking about loyalty in spirit and not in flesh, is the only way a relationship can be established and keep the two together........
It would seem a contradiction that two selfish people can be loyal to each other. But, hopefully not (yes, I know your concept of hope... ;-)....... such a loyalty must definitely be a rarity!!!
So yes – true feminine femdom is rare. Just consider, if some women have the ability, then even fewer men carry the trade to "love intensely but rarely". So maybe men of the right mold are the limit for feminine femdom, and not the women.

Do you agree – loyalty is essential?



Now isn’t that a handful of assumptions, or what? “Love intensely but rarely?” Yeah right! “The gravity force is clearly seduction”? Mmmmm, maybe partly. “That two selfish people…..” Selfish? Come on. Seriously? How so?

Anyway, the main thing was loyalty, to which i wrote:

Loyalty? Nice that. Especially when in need to fight vanillas. Can even strengthen the bond, giving warm feelings and joy. But essential? Nah, not really. What keeps them together is simply the will of the domina, her passion to own the powerful ones, her desire to keep a slave or not. It is a mistake, to think that vanilla values could be of major importance in the world of ffd. Like i said many times b4, a slave has no voice here, no vote, and no rights. But………he/she is free, and encouraged, to seduce me to change my mind, and to behave differently, lol.

The Man from Denmark:

I don't understand what loyalty has to do with vanilla???
Loyalty is in my book one of the true values in life. If you think about loyalty in the sense of a connection bond between two people - an unspoken force but which both understand is essential - what else would make you keep a slave? What else would drive the slave to throw him/herself at your feet over and over again? Of cause there is greed and seduction, but as you pointed out the forces in the hyperbola are strong and can easily diverge...... If there were no loyalty how could there be "intense but rare love"?

Oh my, this man was still struggling with his “intense but rare love”. Rather incoherently too. And then this “throw him/herself at your feet” thingy? Vanilla, vanilla, vanilla!


And i explained to him:

As a business women, one day, someone handed to me a few books authored by Fred Reicheld, a man known for his writings on loyalty. Some even call him the Guru of Loyalty. Loyalty is for him, “the willingness to make an investment or personal sacrifice to strengthen a relationship.” Now how vanilla is that eh? Quite useful tho. It really helped me a lot to brainwash, indoctrinate, and manipulate employees, CEO’s, and business partners. I found it even useful when it came to binding rich clients to me. I mean of cors, in a more vanilla way (grin).


This was just an example. There r zillions of people, who made it their quest, to explain to us what loyalty was, is, should be, has to be, will be, etc. Like with so many intangible concepts, it’s completely eroded nowadays, as everybody, including u, has his/her own opinion, definition, and/or version. What’s written in ur book, may be blasphemy in someone else’s scripture, etc. Isn’t that the vanilla way to do things?



Lao Tse once wrote:

"When people lost sight of the way to live
Came codes of love and honesty,
Learning came, charity came,
Hypocrisy took charge;
When differences weakened family ties
Came benevolent fathers and dutiful sons;
And when lands were disrupted and misgoverned
Came ministers commended as loyal.”

Now THAT’s what i can relate to. His words come close to my own knowledge, ideas, and feelings regarding this concept. So no loyalty crap in my house! I only keep/allow a slave around me, as long as he/she is turning me on, is enriching my life, is keeping me on my toes (yeah yeah, even when not parading in 6” heels), is fun to be with, and has a body to die for. But never cos i have some kind of obligation to him/her, or whatever. Doesn’t mean i couldn’t be there for him/her when needed, but loyalty would never be the driving force for that. When it comes right down to it, loyalty is crippling passion between people, like any artificial tool, which was created to replace the unique, intimate, and unspoken force (ur words lol) between two humans. It’s just another example of vanillas having the need to always have something outside themselves to cling to, and to rule/govern their life.

".....what else would drive the slave to throw him/herself at your feet over and over again?" Well, well, well, lmao! Would.....not being able to leave me without my consent, not having another choice, unable to imagine any other owner, and a quenchless thirst for more of my delicious cruelty and poisonous love, being acceptable reasons for u?

Due to lessons, taught by false prophets, politicians, pastors, and pathological shrinks, it became very common in the vanilla world, in order to avoid guilt and shame, to sublimate, and even replace, primal lust, basic emotions, and the longing for raw sex, by so called higher drives like loyalty. But not here, not in That Place, and not in the Labyrinth. Here we acknowledge and cherish the powers coming from our limbic system, as we recognize and celebrate those coming from our neo-cortex as well. Here these powers r not opposites, or in contradiction with each other. They r essential ingredients, making our hyperbola even more exciting than she already was in her rudimentary form.


Add to this now the idea of entanglement, and we will soon be crossing yet another horizon in the world of feminine femdom, leaving loyalty and his vanilla brethren far behind in the kindergarten of sex.

Dia 30 de janeiro

When i came into the room, all were there, waiting for me to arrive. A complete chaos it was. And yet, organized and highly finished. I could feel their anticipation. “What will she do now?” hang in the air. Same as every year. Sadness looked excited, expecting much. Melancholy was arguing with longing and desire about something only they could understand and make sense of. Memory, yearning, and fate were still struggling with the past. Foreigners wanted to put in a word as well, so ערגה hugged weltschmerz, and was holding hands with νοσταλγία and weemoed.

Yes people, it was the usual thing all over again. No dia 30 de janeiro é comemorado o dia da saudade. Oh u don’t speak Portuguese? Maybe Dutch? No? Greek or Hebrew perhaps? Also not? Huh? No German either? Caramba, what languages DO u speak? Anyway, in short English: Today is the day of saudade. And the good thing is, saudade can’t be translated. One can only feel it. And if u don’t? Well no saudade for u then. No worries tho, as u know what they say sometimes: chega de saudade. Besides, most people won’t have the stomach for it anyway, and rather stay at the surface of their emotional life, cherishing a “don’t worry, be happy” lifestyle, going for the lowest EQ possible, and suppressing, hidden somewhere deep down in their fragile system, the knowledge that their inevitable depression will arrive sooner or later no matter what.



Mostly i don’t care much about so called “special” days. Mother’s Day? Psaw! Such nonsense. Too many creepy moms in this world to celebrate that day. Christmas, Easter, or birthdays? Nah, not for me. Cliché, cliché, cliché. Valentine’s Day? Brrrrrr! Worst of them all! And Femdom Day (ah u didn’t know that eh, but yeah that’s right, july 24 coming, lol) only makes me laugh. Silly, silly, silly. Still, there r a few i observe. For instance, Yom Kippur. And so it is with the Day of Saudade. I love saudade. Reason why i called my blog “Ayesha’s Saudade”.



It’s the day i really let myself go. It’s the day i want to feel and remember how it once was with Shirah, my time in Colombia with those extraordinary men, the days in solitude and agony in Syria, my intense and lost love affair with the father of my child, the numerous relationships that came after him, as well as all the things that never happened, and never will, like for instance my meeting with Elizabeth in Jerusalem, ergo the future that will never come. It’s a moody day. A day of ups and downs. A day of sinking deep into a diversity of abysses, of climbing peaks that reach above the stars, of dwelling in depressions not known to me b4 and enjoying them to the fullest. It’s a day of music, tears, laughter, of lingering with emotions, of exchanging thoughts of suffering, pain, and unbearable sadness with Anita who went through some terrible episodes in her younger years, and recovering from that in each other’s arms. I love all that. There is nothing better than to go deep, very deep, to challenge my saudade, to embrace it, to let it overwhelm me, and dominate it at the same time. It’s the day of pure catharsis, strength, and vulnerability. It’s the day when i want to amplify any feeling, any mood, any emotion, to its extremes, to know my naked reality without any bias, without any possibility of escape. It’s a day of compressed and intense living in a short period of time. I long for saudade, to drown in it, conquer it, to possess it like a slave, and free it from its chains.


After a day like that, i feel refreshed, energized, and even more connected with my people than i was already the day b4. As a matter of fact i’m not really waiting to do all this on the official day of saudade, but take the day off for it whenever i feel like it. There r no bad moods remember?

Corrective measures

That i’m not a fan of punishing, humiliating and degrading people when it comes to d/s in general and femdom in particular is all over this blog as well as in my comments elsewhere. I essentially differ in that from the majority of women who consider themselves dominant, as well as from many males and females calling themselves subs or slaves, telling the world they r practicing same and believe this stuff is inherent to what they call the “lifestyle” or “the scene”. I find activities like that disgusting, ridiculous, and making femdom only an extension of a society based on patriarchal principles, norms, values, and religious dogmas.

The daily dose of twaddle in blogs, forums, and groups about all those important household chores, like doing dishes and laundry, as a token of how dedicated one is to one’s wife, how grateful one is to be living under her rule, and getting corner time, having to write lines, or receiving a hairbrush spanking, when having failed to do same according to her strict instructions, or Lilith forbid having violated some other holy set of FLR rules or protocols, convinced me that these practitioners never mentally left their childhood status, and r trying to re-enact the relationship they once had with their mother, teachers in kindergarten, elementary or Sunday school. Reward, punishment, sin, repentance, worship, guilt, and absolution, r key concepts here. Freud and his followers would have claimed that these people would be happiest if they only could return to the womb. He also would have argued that some males feel so guilty for having a penis, that they want the thing to be locked up by their spouse, fantasizing she would have the guts to throw the key away. Not having orgasms seems to be trendy in those environments. Of cors there r also other reasons why men r into chastity. For instance, to sublimate impotence. Frigid women cheer guys like that, relieved as they r from performing themselves.

Often i see these so called slaves and subs as panting dogs, trying to please their master in an attempt to receive some praise in return for a job well done. No wonder that in these circles pet play is in. Lying breathless and leashed at her feet, licking same with unstoppable enthusiasm, is a common fantasy as well.

To dissociate myself from all this, i’ve called mine, feminine femdom, and the one that sprouted from patriarchal philosophy and male fantasy, vanilla femdom. Women who r lured into the latter, or enter this realm voluntarily, i baptized mommy-dommes.

Of cors this brought me an avalanche of criticism, hate, bans from forums, resistance, accusations, lots of name calling and foul language from people claiming it is their sacred right to trespass into territories which r not theirs (and never will be theirs), and to take over which can’t be taken over. After years of having observed this banality, in a way i’m still flabbergasted with their resistance to give their fantasies and actions a different label. But no, they keep on insisting that what they’re doing has everything to do with female domination and slavery. Most if not all subscribe to something called the loving female authority. Of cors the loving one is severely punishing her loved one when needed. Sounds familiar eh? Yeah, that's right, it’s similar to a religion where the good Lord is loving each and everyone…………….. as long as u do as he says. And if not? Well then u r in for a treat. Then thou shalt be punished and be brought down to hell. No wonder so many women in “the scene” expect their humble servants to address them with Goddess. And remember, no hanky panky at the side eh? It’s all monogamous. Exactly as their heavenly father ordered them to be and to stay like that forever and ever.

So, i will keep correcting them whenever i’m in the mood to do so. Not as a quest or a mission, but simply to keep them awake and to remind them not forget what their true colors actually r.

Naturally this is just one example of me taking corrective measures, and a minor one at that. I only brought it up, to give some perspective to the rest of this blog, and to make sure that all of u understand, that when i punish, humiliate, or degrade people, it will never have anything to do with feminine femdom.

Basically there r two situations in which i take corrective measures:
1. Seeking justice and revenge
2. Educating non-slaves


Seeking justice and revenge.

It’s no secret: I don’t trust any legal system. Ad nauseam people have tried to convince me that laws r there to serve us, to protect us, to give us justice when we were done wrong, and to save us from potential scams, crimes, and other lowlife activities. I wanted to believe them, as i too think that in principle laws could be all that. I even would add that laws could keep some of us from being tempted to do the wrong thing. But, like it is with so many good things, people r messing around with them, making them just another tool, to mislead, corrupt and abuse. Lawsuits became a game, where judges, prosecutors and lawyers r seeking fame, finding (or creating) loopholes, and r trying to interpret the law to their advantage, with little attention to do the right thing. It became a circus, and i’m done with that. The only time i’m willing to go to court is when it concerns minor stuff like winning an administrative disagreement or a money conflict linked to one of my companies. In those cases i rarely give acte de présence myself, leaving it to a team of hotshot vanilla bureaucrats to represent me, and to fight over the banality. I’m not seeking justice then. Nor revenge. The outcome is not really important to me. I just want to win. Which i mostly do. And if i lose? So be it.

How different this is when it’s getting personal, when one of my intimi or moi is harassed, threatened, or hurt. Then i won’t go with, nor would i rely upon, the law, the police, the judges, the prosecutors and the lawyers. Then a lot of what i wrote a few blogs back comes into session. Then i take things into my own hands. Then justice will be done. My justice. My revenge. At times this also comes into picture when i’m confronted with a horrible event outside of my inner circle, in the streets, a bar, a disco, a subway, etc.

Let me tell u a few short stories, for u to get the feel of what i mean.

1. After having participated in a conference at the Universidad Rafael Urdaneta, Alejandra and i went for a stroll in Parque La Marina. I noticed a group of men looking at us. Nothing unusual so far. Punks do that all the time. But they split up, with three of them following us, while the rest faked to have other interests, proceeding to walk in the same direction never the less. Then i knew, all of them belonged to what i would call scum of the Earth. Once in the park, two of them tried to hook up with us by making the usual stupid remarks about how pretty we were, and that the four of us could have such a marvelous time together if we would allow them to take us out, and more of that nonsense. Naturally it was only an attempt to get us off guard, to not pay attention to the third one who kept silent, staying a little behind, and the ones who tried to make us believe they already forgot about us all together. We tried to stay polite, and made it very clear to them we were not interested in their advances or company. Gradually the situation became tense, and more and more dangerous. It was that time when most people would try to get out of the situation, run, call for help, the police, or something. But we r not like most people. We, and especially i, come from a past where we were taught to take care of ourselves, and not wait for help, which btw mostly never comes, or way too late. Suddenly, but not to our surprise, the so called disinterested group appeared in front of us. We were surrounded. We acted fast, and mercilessly. In the end the one that had stayed behind, was left with a broken wrist and a bullet, coming from his own weapon, in his shoulder, while Don Juan and his amigo were confronted with several broken ribs, crushed testicles, and rather severe head injury. Once they saw what was happening to their friends, and their decaying brain matter had convinced them of the reality that we were not the easy prey they had thought, the rest of the gang wisely took to their heels, and left us in peace. B4 we went on our way, we called an ambulance to get the wounded idiots to an ER, then continued our stroll, and ended up making love to each other.



2. I love to dance. Especially on the floors of sleazy bars and discos in the more rough neighborhoods of metropolitan areas like NYC, LA, Buenos Aires, Rio, Johannesburg, Amsterdam, and Tel Aviv. I find it awesome to completely letting myself go in places like that, where nobody cares who and what u r, as long as u can dance, drink, and be wild. It’s there where i get the most out of making men and women crazy about me, and to want me to such an extent, that they would not hesitate to kill for having raw sex with me. It turns me on tremendously when they actually start fighting over me. If u would see me then, all sweaty and horny in my black and shiny latex mini-dress and heels, dancing provocatively and shamelessly making eyes at u, u also would join my cattle, unable to resist making a pass at me. And sure enough there would be plenty of others trying to prevent u from succeeding. It’s MyEgo showing herself in a vanilla environment, looking for trouble and sex. So far so good. Everything still cool and dandy.

I went to the ladies room during such a dissipation in Rio, and found a girl on the floor, bleeding. It turned out she was raped. Probably by more than one person. I had never met her, but couldn’t stop thinking of how she must have felt during the attack(s), the pain, the agony, the helplessness, and now the horrible aftermath of same, the physical and mental damage, the inevitable interrogations, the eyes of her friends, the gossip, and the uncertainty if she ever would find justice. So i gathered with a few friends, and set out to find the lowlifes who had done this to her. It’s then when having a lot of money comes in handy. We found a few rats soon. From there on it was an easy task to locate the culprits. I’ll spare u the graphical details of what we did to them. Suffice to say that justice was done. Real justice. Swiftly and cruelly.


3. Once, during a mission in the ME, i was captured by the enemy, and thrown into a filthy room for interrogation. For several days i had to endure intense vanilla cruelty from a couple of men who hated me for what i was and represented. I could barely manage the pain during the torture sessions they conducted on me. But i was trained for this, and the people who selected me for the jobs i had applied for voluntarily, had assessed me well. They knew i would rather die, than to give away any information. They knew i would want to dominate any situation, to stay on top of it, in absolute control, to drive my opponents into insanity by my behavior, to never give in, and to make them feel inferior to me, no matter what. Still, after a couple of days, deprived from food, drink, sleep, and having been tortured and raped several times, i felt lost, abandoned, and without any belief of a rescue. What kept me going was to fuel my intense hate for the people who were doing this to me to the extremes, by making up scenarios in my mind of how i would take terrible revenge on them should i ever get back my freedom. At the same time reality had made it very clear to me that i had to prepare myself for execution.

And then it happened. There was a noise. In came my people. Hardened men, brazen, and determined to get me out of there. Like thieves in the night they stole me from our enemy, and carried me away from my hell hole. Wounded and weakened, but not broken. I was saved.

On our way home, still in enemy territory, they came after us. We ambushed them. It was then i took my revenge for real. The simple sight of my torturers gave me back my strength. My comrades knew what i was capable of, but still were amazed and terrified when they saw my rage and fury and the final result of same.



There’s more. For instance when i corrected a couple of kkk members who deemed it necessary to exercise their right of free speech, or when i revenged Shirah’s death, and the time i went after a group of neo-nazis who firebombed a synagogue in Paris. But i prefer not to go on, and think u got my drift by now.

I hate violence! Still i’ve used it many times, and, although reluctant, very willing to use it again. It is the only language understood by scumbags, fascists, criminals, racists, their brethren and followers. It’s the best way for having a fruitful conversation with them, to solve a problem, to teach them respect, to instill fear, and to make them rethink their actions in the future. No bureaucratic process, diplomacy, jail time, rehabilitation center, or political negotiation, can match direct and merciless action against creeps like that. Not that violence ever gave me joy or satisfaction. Sure there was that rush of the moment. That feeling of doing the right thing, to enforce justice or taking revenge for me or someone else. The aftermath always brought me sadness tho, staying with me for a long time. Still there was never regret either.


Educating non-slaves

Back in 2009 i wrote : “I met plenty males who wanted to grovel for me, to lick the dirt off my boots, to be pissed in their mouth by me, to be whipped by me, to be humiliated by me, me a woman, one belonging to the weaker sex. And i tell u, i kicked, pissed, whipped, spat, whacked, tortured, and humiliated these males to exhaustion. And they loved it. The time came however, i discovered that in fact i was used by them. Like all other women, i went into their trap, having the illusion that i was their mistress, ruling them, while in fact i was acting according to their rules, by pleasing them, by humiliating them, by beating them to pulp etc. And i went into it eagerly, cos i really wanted to be a domina.” And i continued with: “All this has changed now, as can easily be deducted from my other blogs.”

Then came the years i developed the concept of feminine femdom, completely averse to patriarchal culture, norms, values, concepts, and fantasies, but entirely congruent with my desire to be the only one who decides what is done and not done. At any cost, and any consequence. And that’s how i live now for a number of years already.

Strange things can happen tho. Since some time, i found myself more and more attracted to crack down on those bragging wannabe slaves, those silly FLR types, and especially those quasi sophisticated and academic types, who seem to have a need to constantly inform us about their pedestrian femdom insights, patriarchal d/s fantasies, and boring daily FLR adventures. Oh, and not to forget those revolutionary activists, those self proclaimed leaders and scholars of the kinky world, who made it their mission to enlighten the rest of the rookies, to fight for their rights, to converse on higher levels with more developed/graduated non-slaves and mommy-dommes, and to convince their audiences that anything goes as long as it’s consensual and against the old establishment. I can’t stand them, cos when the heat is really on, when it gets dangerous, they easily back off, and want, even claim, the protection of the same people and systems they only felt contempt for and “fought” against, the time they felt safe to do so.

And no, i don’t mean in the usual way, the vanilla femdom way. I’m talking here to really go out into their world, really granting them their wishes, really fulfilling their desires and fantasies. But not like i did as described in my quote above, but with a deliciously sardonic twist. What does that mean? It means i take them on a tour, way beyond their boldest expectations. Lemme explain.


After having hooked up with my next victim (a.k.a. submissive alpha male), for instance in a fetish/sm club, and discussed with him the terms of our engagement (ssc eh?) at length, he feels at ease and comfortable, fully trusting me, and anticipating the time of his life. Then i take him to my place. No, no, no, not to the Labyrinth, and certainly not to That Place, but to a location some would call the dungeon of love, cruelty and despair. In that order, hehehe. Once there, everything changes. No more ssc crap. None of it! His desires and fantasies? Yeah right. Maybe in the beginning he still believes i will follow up on our agreement. Gradually his anticipation and trust will evaporate tho, making place for fear, agony, and an uncontrollable drive to get out, to escape from me, to go home to his loving female authority, far away from this awful domina he initially was dreaming of, but who managed to turn his dreams into a horrible nightmare.

To really degrade, humiliate, and dehumanize types like that the MyEgo way, and certainly not their way, excites me these days beyond my own belief. MyEgo way of degrading, humiliating, and dehumanizing a man is not play! I’m truly going for it, putting the pressure on him, making him feel a zero, a toy, a piece of shit, for him to realize that he’s not the slave he thought he was (and never will be), now that he finally met with a woman who doesn't play the game his way, a woman teaching him what it really means to beg, to beg without any result, any relief, to experience timeless torture, and true indifference regarding his desires, wishes, and fantasies. An arrogant and haughty woman, who openly and shamelessly makes him aware of the fact that she is in it for herself only, who is using him for her own satisfaction, mocking him for his lousy performance, his inadequacy to hold an erection under her severe whippings, laughing at his whimpering and tears, who considers him a simple and exchangeable tool, a non-human, a worthless worm, a filthy doormat, a disposable thing. Something he wanted to be, but never dared to admit. Something he wished for, but never wanted to come true. And now it happened. A whole new femdom dimension was added to this poor fellow’s thinking. He will never be the same, and traumatized for the rest of his FLR life. If there still will be one, hehe. And if, it will not last very long, cos the next time he’s “playing with his mistress”, he will feel lousy and think back, longing for me, and finding his wife a bad example of dominance. And she will feel it too. Maybe she will be relieved, lol. Back to good old and safe vanilla. A man can do laundry, dishes, and run errands then too, u know. Even kneel and lick her feet sometimes. Oh happy days.

Alpha males? Not in those places. Submissive alpha males? Only when they r pampered by their loving female authority.



I’m not only doing this in private. Humiliating a non-slave in public has it charm too. Making a character like that suck on the heels of my boots in a mall or the lobby of a hotel is hilarious. The trick is to get them down on their knees. Once there, there is no way back for them, no return. They will feel ridiculous, ashamed, and weak under the eyes of the crowd, but they won’t stop pleasing me. It’s like as if they’re hypnotized, and thus will do anything i tell them to do, no matter how disgusting, degrading, or dangerous. If u r a woman and, while reading this, felt a little tingle down or up there, u should try this once. Great way to find out if u r a feminine femdom too :)


Yes i know. I said it many times. I hate teaching. And it’s true! But there’s that other side of me too eh? I’m always ready to straighten people out, to help them to do the right thing, to educate them by showing them who they really r, and also to safe mommy-dommes from a terrible fate. What? U don’t know what their fate will be? Well think about it for a while, take ur time, and i’m sure it will come to u.